London Midweek Series at Ranelagh Sailing Club - Races 5 & 6

There are a few people out there who have been asking me what has happened to all the cast and crew who made such a wonderful spectacle of the 3rd and 4th races. There are a few more who have been asking what the Windward Mark is doing now, is he seeing anybody and can they have his phone number (weirdoes, he is a plastic inflatable buoy!).

Since the last instalment there have been a couple of races and for those of you who just want to know the results it is pretty simple. Chris Edwards sailed a stormer all on his own in the fifth race and won by a whisker from Michael John who had to fight through the fleet in his trusty Solo. Michael John finished not far ahead of Joe Driver who had thrashed his laser within an inch of its life to persuade it to try to catch Chris on the water but sadly fell just short.

In the second race, the beautiful Sarah Edwards finally showed her true potential coming out like a butterfly from her cocoon to win the race with Matt Greenfield in Michael John’s banana themed Merlin from Michael John himself in his Solo. Chris Edwards finished a distant third but with this managed to win the week.

For those readers interested in the character development and the more Soap Operay side of the fleet we can give a quick run down on the various key names in the cast.

Frances Gifford – Frances had previously struggled to make a real impact on the results (mostly because the X1s are given time only). For the fifth race she took some big leaps to correct this. She borrowed the yellow rocket ship from her brother and enlisted somebody described on this august website in January 2006 as “probably the best all round small boat sailor in Britain if not the world.” Despite having the one and only Chips Howarth in the front of her Merlin she only managed fifth. While this was a blow to Chips who has never before finished this low in a race he did comment that Ranelagh was “…the best venue he had ever sailed at…”. The result is surely a testament to the quality of the competition he was up against.

Chris Edwards – While Frances was trying to find ever better crew to sail with, Chris was dropped by his gorgeous wife Alison and forced to sail alone. In an attempt to woo her back into a boat with him he posted a 1st and a 3rd in his laser. What makes this less remarkable is that he recently celebrated his 110th birthday and so has been sailing on this stretch of river for a full century! We are hoping to see them back in the Enterprise of Love for the next race.

Chris Whitehouse – Chris only managed the 6th race. Despite being taken out at the first mark by the dastardly Tom Hayhoe he led this up until the point where he completely forgot which way the tide was running and watched the fleet sail inside him at Craven Cottage. While he didn’t have the best of weeks he is still in with a shout of the title and is the Windward Mark’s “Man to Watch”.

Michael John Gifford – Michael John continued to produce the consistent form that makes him awkward to beat in this regatta. Without a result outside the top three and with two 2nds in the week he tops the leader board. Sadly (given that he is also the author of this report and is writing in the third person) he hasn’t got the kind of cushion that Rory McIlroy had at the US Open and so is being closely pursued by the following pack.

Anna and Tim Marriot/Harrison – These two deserve a mention as after years of sailing an aged Merlin at Ranelagh they finally decided that the only way to wean themselves off such addictive racing was to head to the Isle of Wight and get married. They were last spotted boarding the Eurostar complete with crutches for their honeymoon.

The Beautiful Sarah Edwards – While Sarah has not been sailing a lot recently, her press profile is such that she was propositioned by Matt Greenfield. That coupled with the opportunity to sail the most yellow boat since the Beatle’s submarine was enough to tempt her out of retirement. She made the move in style and managed a race win. As the Windward Mark was heard to comment “not only is she stunning but she is quick too!”.

The Windward Mark - After the publicity following his interview last week the Windward Mark was unable to leave the shed for paparazzi. He can now announce though that he has taken Cheryl Cole’s place as judge on America’s Got Talent and is hoping to successfully break the US. While he is enjoying his new found fame he hasn’t let it go to his head and he is looking forward to rejoining the fleet for the remaining races. Any rumours about him and the Leeward Mark from the recent Sail For Gold are complete rubbish and also the subject of a super injunction.