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Phil eltringham View Drop Down
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Posts: 1105 		Post Options Post Options   Quote Phil eltringham Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: best funny emails
    Posted: 01 Mar 05 at 11:58pm

With regards to your joke, I would have to take issue with it, and say that from an engineering point of view it has a factor of safety of two, and that the econimist would be the one complaining that the glass was bigger than it needed to be!  Yes I do realises this proves a point about the mind of an engineer (or at least mine), but who am I to argue with my genes!
FLAT IS FAST!
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Black no sugar View Drop Down
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Posts: 3941 		Post Options Post Options   Quote Black no sugar Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 Mar 05 at 10:11pm

Nope, he's no engineer, that would be a little close to home

Since you're begging for it, here is the classic:

Understanding Engineers - Take Two:


To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

And Phil, I'm not having digs. I'm just amazed that some perfectly normal-looking human beings can have such bizarre brains....  It's curiosity more than anything else (anthropology / entomology, who knows ).

 
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Contender443 View Drop Down
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Posts: 1211 		Post Options Post Options   Quote Contender443 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 Mar 05 at 9:57pm
Originally posted by Phil eltringham

B.n.S. do you have something against engineers, or is that what contender does when he is not on here? 

I don't do enough of what I am supposed to as I am now Far Too Distracted from work.
Bonnie Lass Contender 1764
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hydrographer20 View Drop Down
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Posts: 867 		Post Options Post Options   Quote hydrographer20 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 Mar 05 at 8:39pm
thats funny!!  i hve funny emails somewhere ill just have to root them up from the archives.  stay tunder for laughs
byte me!- GBR 814
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Phil eltringham View Drop Down
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Posts: 1105 		Post Options Post Options   Quote Phil eltringham Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 Mar 05 at 7:54pm

B.n.S. do you have something against engineers, or is that what contender does when he is not on here? 

Anyway, this is one of my lectures favourites....

What is 1 + 1?

ask a mathematitian and he will say "2" but will ask what you mean by "1"

ask a statistition and he will say "there is a 95% chance of it being between 1.9 and 2.1"

ask an engineer and he will say "its 2, but we'll call it 5 to be on the safe side"
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Posts: 3941 		Post Options Post Options   Quote Black no sugar Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 Mar 05 at 7:03pm

whoo hoo!

I've got so many of those you wouldn't believe! Just watch this space!! 

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Phil eltringham View Drop Down
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Posts: 1105 		Post Options Post Options   Quote Phil eltringham Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 Mar 05 at 6:57pm
If that was not so true I would be really offended!
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Posts: 3941 		Post Options Post Options   Quote Black no sugar Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 Mar 05 at 6:56pm

Understanding Engineers - Take One


Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
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Harry44981! View Drop Down
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Posts: 736 		Post Options Post Options   Quote Harry44981! Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 Mar 05 at 4:55pm

one of the mastercard ads that somehow didn't make it to tv...

http://www.funnyjunk.com/movies/14/The+Crazy+Kids/stream

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Contender443 View Drop Down
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Posts: 1211 		Post Options Post Options   Quote Contender443 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 Mar 05 at 2:31pm

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-*-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bullsh*T and Ass kissing that will put you over the top
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