best funny emails

Swine Flu keeping our papers Jade Goody Free since April 2009

THE SPOILED UNDER-30 CROWD!!!
 
If you are 30 or older you will think this is hilarious!!!! 
 
When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears
With their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were 
growing up; what with walking Twenty-five miles to school every morning
 
 Uphill... barefoot...
 
 BOTH ways 
 
Yeah yeah yeah
 
And I remember promising myself that when I grew up,
There was no way in hell I was going to lay
 
 
 
A bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it And how easy 
they've got it!
 
But now that... I'm over the 
ripe old age of 
Thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today.
 
You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my
Childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!
 
 And I hate to say it but you kids today you
Don't know how good you've got it!
 
I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to 
know something, We had to go to the damn library and
Look it up ourselves, in the card catalogue!!
 
 There was no email!! We had to actually write
Somebody a letter, with a pen!
 
 
 
 Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the 
mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!
 
There were no MP3' s or Napsters! You wanted to 
Steal music, you had to get a bus to Woolworths and shoplift it 
yourself!
 
Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd 
usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up!
 
We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you
Were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, 
that's it!
 
And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either! 
When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your 
school,
Your mom, your boss, your Bookie, your drug dealer, a collections 
agent, you
Just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, 
mister! 
 
We didn't have any fancy Sony=2
0Playstation video
Games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With 
games
Like 'Space Invaders' and 'asteroids'. Your guy was a little square! 
You 
Actually had to use your Imagination!! And there were no multiple 
levels or
Screens, it was just one screen
Forever!
 
And you could never win. The game just kept getting
Harder and harder and
Faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE! 
 
 
You had to use a Little book called a TV Guide to find out what was 
On! You were screwed when it Came to channel surfing! You had to get 
off
Your ass and walk over to the TV to change the Channel and there was no
Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons
On Saturday Morning. Do you Hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL 
WEEK
For cartoons, you spoiled
Little rat-b**tards!
 
And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat
Something up we had to use the stove .... Imagine that!
 
That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids
Today have got it too easy. 
You're spoiled. You guys wouldn't have lasted
Five minutes back in 1980!
 
Regards,
The over 30 Crowd
 
 
 
 
 
 

Prison vs Work

Just in case you ever get these two environments mixed up, this should make
things a little bit clearer.

 

IN PRISON..........you spend the majority of your time in an 10X10 cell.
AT WORK............you spend the majority of your time in an 8X8 cubicle.

IN PRISON.........you get three meals a day.
AT WORK...........you get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.

IN PRISON..........you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK............you get more work for good behavior.

IN PRISON..........the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK............you must often carry a security card and open all the doors for yourself.

IN PRISON..........you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK...........you could get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON.........you get your own toilet.
AT WORK..........you have to share the toilet with some people who pee on the seat.

IN PRISON..........they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK............you aren't even supposed to speak to your family.

IN PRISON.........all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK............you get to pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON..........you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.
AT WORK ...........you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

IN PRISON .........you must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK...........they are called managers.

A married couple went to he hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon
their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would
transfer a portion of the mother's labour pain to the father.

He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in
favour of it. The doctor set the pain transfer dial to 10% for starters,
explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had
ever experienced before.

But as the labour progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor
to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the
machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine.

The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at
how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50%.

The husband continued to feel quite well. Since it was obviously helping
out his wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer
ALL the pain to him.

The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain.

She and her husband were ecstatic.

When they got home, the postman was lying dead on their porch.