best funny emails

"WOMEN DRIVERS of the YEAR"

TYPES OF POO

Ghost Poo:
You know you've pooed. There's poo on the toilet paper, but not in the
toilet. Where is it?

Teflon Poo:
So slick and easy you don't even feel it. No trace of poo on the
toilet paper. You have to look in the toilet to be sure you did it.

Goo Poo:
This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe twelve times and you
still don't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your
underwear so you don't soil it. Permanent skid marks are left in the
toilet.

Second Thoughts Poo:
You're all done wiping and about to stand up when you realise...
there's more to come.

Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Poo:
This is the kind of poo that killed Elvis. It doesn't want to come out
until you're all sweaty, trembling, and purple from straining so hard.

Weight Watchers Poo:
You poo so much you lose several pounds.

Right Now Poo:
You'd better be within thirty seconds of a toilet. You burn rubber to
get there and it usually gets its head out before you can get your
pants down.

King Kong Poo:
This one is so big you think it won't go down the toilet unless you
break it into smaller chunks. A wire coat hanger usually works well.
This kind of poo usually happens when you're at someone else's house.

Cork Poo:
Also known as "floaters." Even after the third flush it's still there,
floating in the bowl. My God! How do I get rid of it?

Wet Cheeks Poo:
This poo hits the water sideways and makes a bigger splash than the
launching of the QE2, soaking your starfish.

Wish Poo:
You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no poo.

Cement Block Poo:
You wish you'd got a spinal block before you pooed.

Snake Poo:
This poo is fairly soft, about as thick as your thumb and at least
three feet long.

Morning After Poo:
Happens the day after the night before. Normally your poo doesn't
smell that bad, but THIS one... Usually you're at someone else's house
(normally a girl you're trying to impress) and they're waiting outside
to use the bathroom.

Mexican Food Poo:
Also called "screamers." You know it's safe to eat again when your bum
stops burning.

Boo Hoo Poo:
Makes you cry with pain and wonder whether your should risk the
stitches or go for the fuller figure.

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Strawberry Send Private Message Find Member's Posts Visit Member's Homepage Really should get out more Joined: 21 Jun 05 Location: United Kingdom Online Status: Offline Posts: 1337	Post Options Post Reply Quote Strawberry Report Post Quote Reply Topic: best funny emails Posted: 12 May 06 at 1:27pm
	I think the silver medalist has earned extra points for being a policeman, i mean policewoman, sod it, police person. Police fool? p.s. Can't play the video at uni, have something to look forward to when I get home.
	Cherub 2649 "Dangerous Strawberry

timnoyce Send Private Message Find Member's Posts Visit Member's Homepage Really should get out more Joined: 05 Aug 04 Location: Hampshire Online Status: Offline Posts: 1991	Post Options Post Reply Quote timnoyce Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 12 May 06 at 12:11pm
	4th is also a monumental effort. To achieve that kind of air without some sort of ramp is really quite exceptional!
	BEARFOOT DESIGN Cherub 2648 - Comfortably Numb

timnoyce Send Private Message Find Member's Posts Visit Member's Homepage Really should get out more Joined: 05 Aug 04 Location: Hampshire Online Status: Offline Posts: 1991	Post Options Post Reply Quote timnoyce Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 12 May 06 at 11:44am
	Welcome to the 200th Annual *"WOMEN DRIVERS of the YEAR"* AWARDS *SIXTH PLACE: FIFTH PLACE: FOURTH PLACE: BRONZE MEDALIST:* SILVER MEDALIST: AND THE GRAND PRIZE WINNER IS...........
	BEARFOOT DESIGN Cherub 2648 - Comfortably Numb

lozza Send Private Message Find Member's Posts Visit Member's Homepage Far too distracted from work Joined: 23 Sep 04 Online Status: Offline Posts: 262	Post Options Post Reply Quote lozza Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 12 May 06 at 11:31am

	Life's a reach, then you gybe

lozza Send Private Message Find Member's Posts Visit Member's Homepage Far too distracted from work Joined: 23 Sep 04 Online Status: Offline Posts: 262	Post Options Post Reply Quote lozza Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 12 May 06 at 11:29am
	If you live with a blonde......... Don't leave you're laptop in the bathroom:
	Life's a reach, then you gybe

timnoyce Send Private Message Find Member's Posts Visit Member's Homepage Really should get out more Joined: 05 Aug 04 Location: Hampshire Online Status: Offline Posts: 1991	Post Options Post Reply Quote timnoyce Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 12 May 06 at 11:27am
	I have slightly more than 6 days but its less than 6 weeks! Not sure I like the sound of this 'real world' stuff! In my first year I would aim to be out of bed for evening neighbours, second year i progressed to be up by lunchtime neighbours, now this year sometimes I am up before midday! My mate swears that the reason neighbours is on twice a day is due to the deep story lines... there is too much going on to fully appreciate in a single viewing!
	BEARFOOT DESIGN Cherub 2648 - Comfortably Numb

lozza Send Private Message Find Member's Posts Visit Member's Homepage Far too distracted from work Joined: 23 Sep 04 Online Status: Offline Posts: 262	Post Options Post Reply Quote lozza Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 12 May 06 at 11:23am
	That uni one was class tim! Especially the one about neighbours, twice times a day student Oh well, only 6 more days ever before i'm let loose!!!!!!
	Life's a reach, then you gybe

timnoyce Send Private Message Find Member's Posts Visit Member's Homepage Really should get out more Joined: 05 Aug 04 Location: Hampshire Online Status: Offline Posts: 1991	Post Options Post Reply Quote timnoyce Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 12 May 06 at 11:16am
	Sorry this ones a bit immature but I feel its one we can all relate to! We used to have it in printed in our bathroom for reference.... TYPES OF POO Ghost Poo: You know you've pooed. There's poo on the toilet paper, but not in the toilet. Where is it? Teflon Poo: So slick and easy you don't even feel it. No trace of poo on the toilet paper. You have to look in the toilet to be sure you did it. Goo Poo: This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe twelve times and you still don't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't soil it. Permanent skid marks are left in the toilet. Second Thoughts Poo: You're all done wiping and about to stand up when you realise... there's more to come. Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Poo: This is the kind of poo that killed Elvis. It doesn't want to come out until you're all sweaty, trembling, and purple from straining so hard. Weight Watchers Poo: You poo so much you lose several pounds. Right Now Poo: You'd better be within thirty seconds of a toilet. You burn rubber to get there and it usually gets its head out before you can get your pants down. King Kong Poo: This one is so big you think it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A wire coat hanger usually works well. This kind of poo usually happens when you're at someone else's house. Cork Poo: Also known as "floaters." Even after the third flush it's still there, floating in the bowl. My God! How do I get rid of it? Wet Cheeks Poo: This poo hits the water sideways and makes a bigger splash than the launching of the QE2, soaking your starfish. Wish Poo: You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no poo. Cement Block Poo: You wish you'd got a spinal block before you pooed. Snake Poo: This poo is fairly soft, about as thick as your thumb and at least three feet long. Morning After Poo: Happens the day after the night before. Normally your poo doesn't smell that bad, but THIS one... Usually you're at someone else's house (normally a girl you're trying to impress) and they're waiting outside to use the bathroom. Mexican Food Poo: Also called "screamers." You know it's safe to eat again when your bum stops burning. Boo Hoo Poo: Makes you cry with pain and wonder whether your should risk the stitches or go for the fuller figure.
	BEARFOOT DESIGN Cherub 2648 - Comfortably Numb

timnoyce Send Private Message Find Member's Posts Visit Member's Homepage Really should get out more Joined: 05 Aug 04 Location: Hampshire Online Status: Offline Posts: 1991	Post Options Post Reply Quote timnoyce Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 12 May 06 at 11:09am
	YOU KNOW YOU'VE BEEN IN UNIVERSITY TOO LONG WHEN 1. You actually like doing laundry at home where the washing machines work. 2. Two miles is not too far to walk for a party. 3. You'd rather clean than study especially if an essay is due. 4. "Oh sh*t how did it get so late!" comes out of your mouth at least once a night. 5. Parents' cooking becomes something you desire, not avoid. 6. You schedule your classes around sleep habits and soap operas especially 'Neighbours' and 'Hollyoaks'. 7. You know the pizza boy by name and don't even need to read the menu. 8. You go to sleep when it's light and get up when it's dark. 9. You live for getting mail. 10. Looking out the window is a form of entertainment. 11. Prank phone calls become funny again. 12. You start thinking and sounding like your friends and your accent becomes a hybrid of West Country, Surrey and general Northern. 13. Highlighters are the coolest things on earth. 14. Rearranging your room is your favourite pastime. 15. Rubbish cheap £1 shops are so cool. 16. The weekend lasts from Thursday to Monday. BEFORE I CAME TO UNIVERSITY, I WISH I HAD KNOWN... 1. That it didn't matter how my first lecture was, I'd still sleep through it. 2. That I could change so much and barely realize it. 3. That you can love a lot of people in a lot of different ways. 4. No matter how 'cool' you were in school, no one here cares. 5. That if you wear polyester everyone will ask why you are so dressed up. 6. That every clock on campus shows a different time. 7. That if you got good A-Levels, so what? It doesn't matter here. 8. That I would go to a party the night before an exam or essay due-date. 9. That you can know everything and fail a test. 10. That you can know nothing and ace a test. 11. That I could get used to almost anything found out about my friends. 12. That most of my education would be obtained outside of lectures. 13. That friendship is more than getting drunk together but that's still funny......! 14. That Sunday as a day of rest is a figment of the world's imagination. 15. That Psychology is really Biology, that Biology is really Chemistry, that Chemistry is really Physics and that Physics is really Maths. 16. That my parents would become so much smarter in the last few years. TOP 10 REASONS THAT UNIVERSITY IS LIKE PRIMARY SCHOOL: 1. You cry for your mother. 2. You cross the street without looking for cars. 3. Snack time is a necessity. 4. You bundle up for the outdoors without caring what you look like because everyone else looks as stupid as you do. 5. You stay at home and play games with your friends. 6. You wear your backpack on both shoulders. 7. You wear big mittens. 8. Playing in the snow is a legitimate activity. 9. You take naps. 10. You look forward to cheese toasties.
	BEARFOOT DESIGN Cherub 2648 - Comfortably Numb

MRJP BUZZ 585 Send Private Message Find Member's Posts Visit Member's Homepage Really should get out more Joined: 05 Mar 06 Location: United Kingdom Online Status: Offline Posts: 1496	Post Options Post Reply Quote MRJP BUZZ 585 Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 12 May 06 at 10:52am
	it looks like the jokes have been removed
	Josh Preater BUZZING IS FUN