best funny emails

A man was being interviewed for a job.

"Were you in the service?" ask the interviewer.

"Yes, I was a marine," responded the applicant.

"Did you see any active duty?"

"I was in Vietnam for 2 years and I have a partial disability."

"May I ask what happened?"

"Well, I had a grenade go off between my legs and I lost both
testicles."

"You're hired. You can start Monday at 10 am."

"When does everyone else start? I don't want any preferential
treatment because of my disability."

"Everyone else starts at 7 am but I might as well be honest with
you. Nothing gets done between 7 and 10. We just sit
around scratching our balls trying to decide what to do first."

LMAO

I am so nicking that for work

A Young Glasgow lad moved to London and went to Harrods looking for a job.
'Do you have any sales experience?' asked the manager.
'Oh Aye; uff dunna bitta sales stuff back up eh road anat, ah'eh barras anat, know?', nodded the young weegie. The manager liked the lad, so he gave him the job. The young Scot's first day was challenging and busy, but he got through it.

After the store was locked up, the manager came down to see how he was settling in. 'So... how many sales did you make today'? He smiled at the boy.

The weegie said: 'Jist the wan'. The manager was immediately disappointed. 'Wh-a-a-t? Just one? Harrods's sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day! Dear me! Oh well, how much was the sale for, anyway'?
'£101,237.64' said the lad. The Harrods manager choked. 'Blimey... One hundred and one thousand, two hundred and thirty-seven pounds and sixty four pence! What in hell did you sell him?'
'Well, first ah selt him a wee fish hook, then a medium fish hook, and then ah selt him a new fishing rod. Then ah asked him where he was gawin' fishing, and he said down at the coast. So I telt him he would need a boat. We went down to the boat department and I selt him that twin-engined Power Cat... then he said he didn't think his wee Honda Civic could pull it, so I took him down to car sales and I selt him a dinky 4x4 Suzuki...'.

The manager was now incredulous. 'Wait a minute; you mean to tell me....a guy came in here to buy a small fish hook but you sold him a boat AND a four-by-four?'
'Naw naw, big man... he came in tay buy a box of tampons furries missus and Ah said........."Well pal, seein' as how yer weekend's f d, ye might as well go fishing..."'.

Nice one