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The Moo View Drop Down
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    Posted: 28 Nov 06 at 10:31pm
DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS

40-ish = 49

Adventurous = Slept with everyone

Athletic = No tits

Average looking = Ugly

Beautiful = Pathological liar

Contagious Smile = Does a lot of pills

Emotionally secure = On medication

Feminist= Fat

Free spirit = Junkie

Friendship first = Former very *friendly* person

Fun = Annoying

Large frame = Hugely Fat

New Age = Body hair in the wrong places

Open-minded = Desperate

Outgoing = Loud and Embarrassing

Passionate = Sloppy drunk

Professional = Bitch

Voluptuous = Very Fat

Wants Soul mate = Stalker



WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

1. Yes = No

2. No = Yes

3. Maybe = No

4. We need = I want

5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry

6. We need to talk = you're in trouble

7. Sure, go ahead = you better not

8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later

9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!

10. You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?



MEN'S ENGLISH


1. I am hungry = I am hungry

2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy

3. I am tired = I am tired

4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!

5. I love you = let's have sex now

6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?

7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you

8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you

9 Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you

10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you

11 Those shoes don't go with that outfit    = I'm gay


And finally....

A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle .

For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.
However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside


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bigwavedave View Drop Down
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Posts: 944 		Post Options Post Options   Quote bigwavedave Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Nov 06 at 6:16pm
Quite a tongue that horse has. Teeth could do with a bit of a clean though.
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Black no sugar View Drop Down
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Posts: 3941 		Post Options Post Options   Quote Black no sugar Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Nov 06 at 5:41pm

TT's wife doesn't want pearls, she wants a horse! Much more fun...
Lancing SC
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Strawberry View Drop Down
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Posts: 1337 		Post Options Post Options   Quote Strawberry Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Nov 06 at 3:13pm

I hope she's very gratefull and says thank you!



Edited by Strawberry
Cherub 2649 "Dangerous Strawberry
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Strawberry View Drop Down
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Posts: 1337 		Post Options Post Options   Quote Strawberry Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Nov 06 at 2:30pm

Originally posted by Black no sugar


MILLENNIUM DOMES. The contents of a Wonderbra,  i.e.  extremely  impressive when viewed from the outside, but there's actually naught  in there worth seeing. 

They're called the Wonderbra because when you take it off you wonder where it's all gone.
Cherub 2649 "Dangerous Strawberry
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Jamie View Drop Down
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Posts: 164 		Post Options Post Options   Quote Jamie Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Nov 06 at 2:24pm

There is one quite similar to the first one of those.

Breasticulating, Meaning waving your arms about like a tit.
GBR Flying Dutchman
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Pierre View Drop Down
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Posts: 1532 		Post Options Post Options   Quote Pierre Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Nov 06 at 1:35pm
You little rascal BNS.  Absolute blinders.
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Black no sugar View Drop Down
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Posts: 3941 		Post Options Post Options   Quote Black no sugar Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Nov 06 at 12:57pm
I suspect this could be one of Turnturtle's creations...
 
NEW WORDS FOR 2007     
 
TESTICULATING. Waving your arms around and talking  bollocks. 

BLAMESTORMING. Sitting around in a group, discussing why a  deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible. 
 
SEAGULL MANAGER. A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise,  craps on everything, and then leaves. 
 
SITCOMs. Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What  yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops  working to stay home with the kids or start a "home business". 
 
SINBAD. Single working girls. Single income, no boyfriend and Desperate.  
 
GOING FOR A Mcsh*t. Entering a fast food restaurant with no Intention of buying food, you're just going to the bog. If   challenged by a pimply staff member, your declaration to them that  you'll buy their food afterwards is known as a Mcsh*t with Lies. 
 
AEROPLANE BLONDE. One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still  has a 'black box'. 
 
BEER COAT. The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home  after a booze cruise at 3am. 
 
BEER COMPASS. The invisible device that ensures your safe Arrival home after booze cruise, even though you're too drunk to  remember where you live, how you got here, and where you've come  from. 
 
GREYHOUND. A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.  

MILLENNIUM DOMES. The contents of a Wonderbra,  i.e.  extremely  impressive when viewed from the outside, but there's actually naught  in there worth seeing. 
 
MONKEY BATH. A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you Go:"Oo!Oo!Oo! Aa!Aa!Aa!". 
 
MYSTERY BUS. The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night While you're in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all  the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners When you come back in. 
 
MYSTERY TAXI. The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday Morning before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with,  and leaves a 10-Pinter in your bed instead. 
 
PICASSO BUM. A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so  she looks like she's got four buttocks 
 
TART FUEL. Bottled premixed spirits, regularly consumed by  young women

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Posts: 1040 		Post Options Post Options   Quote stuarthop Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 Nov 06 at 10:21pm

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Chris Noble View Drop Down
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Posts: 710 		Post Options Post Options   Quote Chris Noble Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 Nov 06 at 9:54pm

thats truly nothing but brilliance lollollol

 
Competitive Boat Insurance From Noble Marine

FOR SALE:

I14 2 Masts 2 poles 3 Booms, Foils Kites/Mains/Jibs too many to list.
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