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tack'ho View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Quote tack'ho Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: best funny emails
    Posted: 10 Jun 08 at 3:43pm
oh....and the dutch don't fly Tornados
I might be sailing it, but it's still sh**e!
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tack'ho View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Quote tack'ho Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Jun 08 at 12:49pm

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ouDRDzqTu0M

Do not go here if you are easily offended or an equality and diversity consultant.

 

ps. SILENCE.....I killllll you 

I might be sailing it, but it's still sh**e!
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Post Options Post Options   Quote les5269 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Jun 08 at 9:08pm
 
Two English businessmen in London were sitting down for a break in 
their soon-to-be new store. 

As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up. 
One said to the other, 'I bet any minute now some idiot tourist is 
going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're 
selling.' 

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a 
curious Irishman walked to the window, had a peek, and in a thick Irish 
accent asked 'What might ye be sellin' here?' 

One of the men replied sarcastically, 'We're selling ar**holes.' 

Without skipping a beat, the Irishman said, 'You're doing well, only 
two left!' 

Englishmen (God bless them) should not mess with the Irish!!
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Post Options Post Options   Quote les5269 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Jun 08 at 9:12pm

A man appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. "Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.

"Well, I can think of one thing," the man offered. "Once, on a trip to the Black Hills area in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen.  So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him in the mouth, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring and threw it on the ground. And I yelled, "Now, back off! Or I'll kick the sh*t out of all of you!"


St. Peter was impressed, "When did this happen?"


"Just a few minutes ago...

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Post Options Post Options   Quote les5269 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Jun 08 at 9:16pm
There was this bloke worked for the Post Office and his job was to process
all the mail that had illegible addresses.
One day a letter came with `To God` written in shaky handwriting but no actual address, so he thought he should open it to see what it was about. The letter read:
 
Dear God,
I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension and yesterday someone
stole my purse. It had £100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension
cheque. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money I have nothing to buy food with and have no family to turn to.
You are my only hope. Can you please help me?
 
Sincerely,
 
Edna
 
The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other
workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few
quid. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected £96, which they
put into an envelope and sent to the woman.
For the rest of the day they all felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the
dinner she would be able to share with her friends.
 
Christmas came and went. A few days later, another letter came from the
same old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was
opened. It read:
 
Dear God,
How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your
gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a
very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift.
By the way, there was 4 quid missing, but I think it was those thieving b****ds
down at the Post Office.
 
Edna
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Grafham water Sailing Club The greatest inland sailing in the country
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Post Options Post Options   Quote MRJP BUZZ 585 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Jun 08 at 9:43pm
Nice trio Les
Josh Preater

BUZZING IS FUN

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Post Options Post Options   Quote bert Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 Jun 08 at 7:32pm

This is taken from the RS 300 forum & I say Thank you!

Enjoy the truth 

Trevor, the farmer, was in the fertilised egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets' and eight or ten roosters, whose job it was to fertilise the eggs.

The farmer kept records and any that didn't perform went into the stock pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of his time so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.. Each bell had a different tone so Trevor could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.
The farmer's favourite rooster was old Gordon, and a very fine specimen he was too, but on this particular morning Trevor noticed old Gordon's bell hadn't rung at all! Trevor went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover but to farmer Trevor's amazement, Gordon had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.
He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. Trevor was so proud of Gordon, he entered him into the West Berkshire County Fair and Gordon became an overnight sensation among the judges.
The Result - the judges not only awarded Gordon the No Bell Piece Prize but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise.
Clearly Gordon was a politician in the making: who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention?
Do you know a Pulletician called Gordon?

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Post Options Post Options   Quote vscott Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 Jun 08 at 2:57pm
Just sent to me - not really from a sailors point of view, but still funny:

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.

I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago", the homeless woman told me.


"Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" I asked.


"No, I don't waste time shopping," the homeless woman said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."


"Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?" I asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless woman. I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!"


"Well, I said, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight."


The homeless Woman was shocked. "Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."


I said, "That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine."
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Post Options Post Options   Quote Webmuppet Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 Jun 08 at 8:30pm

...another sporting event as reported by The Onion.com (One of my favourite news websites LOL)

Nigel

June 19, 2008: Man Who Used Stick To Roll Ball Into Hole In Ground Praised For His Courage

SAN DIEGO—A man who used several different bent sticks to hit a ball to an area comprised of very short grass surrounding a hole in the ground was praised for his courage Monday after he used a somewhat smaller stick to gently roll the ball into the aforementioned hole in fewer attempts than his competitors. "What guts, what confidence," ESPN commentator Scott Van Pelt said of the man, who was evidently unable to carry his sticks himself, employing someone else to hold the sticks and manipulate the flag sticking out of the hole in the ground while he rolled the ball into it. "You have to be so brave, so self-assured, so strong mentally to [roll a ball into a hole in the ground]. Amazing." The man in question apparently hurt his knee during this activity.
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Post Options Post Options   Quote mike ellis Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 Jun 08 at 6:54pm
 nothing like poking fun at golfers, apart from water bombing them, but im not going to elaborate on that one.
600 732, will call it Sticks and Stones when i get round to it.
Also International 14, 1318
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