International Drinking Rules

(Or, if you’re playing them, some regulations for the ordered consumption of alcoholic beverages while situated in international waters[1])

Prohibited behaviour

1)      No using the word “drink” (henceforth referred to as – among other things – “d”) or derivatives thereof (e.g. “drinking”, “drinker”, “drunk”, “drinks”, “drank”, etc.).

2)      No using the word “rule” (henceforth referred to as – among other things – “regulation”) or derivatives thereof (e.g. “rules”, “ruler”, “ruled”, “ruling”, etc.)

3)      No pointing with a finger or fingers[2].

4)      No calling fellow players by their names (neither forenames nor surnames).

5)      Right-handed imbibing[3] at the top of the hour (i.e. between quarter-to and quarter-past every hour) is prohibited.

6)      Left-handed imbibing at the bottom of the hour (i.e. between quarter-past and quarter-to every hour) is prohibited.

7)      Failing to use posh pinkie at the top of the hour (see above) while imbibing is prohibited.

8)      Using posh pinkie at the bottom of the hour (see above).

9)      No swearing.

10)  No leaving the table without requesting permission.

11)  No (re)joining the table without requesting permission.

12)  No placing an empty beverage container or containers on a table (under any circumstances[4]) without saying “e.g.” (for empty glass).

13)  No being last to respond appropriately to thumb master.

14)  No accepting physical objects of any kind at any time (e.g. if player 1 hands an object to player 2, player 2 is liable to be penalised.  On being offered the object, player 2 should have asked player 1 to place it on the table, before picking it up).