best funny emails

Nice One 

A blonde girl shows an essex girl the L and R labels in her wellies, explaining that they mean left and right.


"Oh!" she says, "now I understand the C & A label in my thong!"

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie. 'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.'  So he tied her up and went Sailing.

Edited by Hector

Originally posted by The Moo Get a glass of wine and enjoy:- 16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. Now just sit down and shut the f**k up.

 

  My crew (Wife) has used this one on the boat, the last bit said so loud they heard it in the club house.

Get a glass of wine and enjoy:-

Things you would like to say aloud at work: -

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of s**t.

2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to
pronounce.

3. How about never? Is never good for you?

4. I see you have set aside this special time to humiliate yourself
in public.

5. I'm really easy to get along with once people learn to see it my way.

6. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?

7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

10. Ahhhh. I see the f**k-up fairy has visited us again. No need to
apportion blame.

11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.

12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a s**t any
more.

14. I'm already visualising the duct tape over your mouth.

15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique
point of view. Now just sit down and shut the f**k up.

17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

18. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?!

19. Any resemblance between your reality and mine are purely
coincidental.

20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

23. And your cry-baby whiny-arsed opinion would be what exactly?

24. Do I look like a f**king people person?

25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

26. I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.

27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer here.

28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

30.. Whatever kind of a look you were aiming for, you missed.

31. Oh I get it. It's like humour, but different........

32. An office is just a mental institute without the padded walls.

33. Can I swap this job for whats behind door 1?

34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

35. Nice perfume (or aftershave). Must you marinate in it?

36. Chaos, panic and disorder. My work here is done.

37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

38. I thought I wanted a career: it turns out I just needed the money.

39. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being more intelligent.

40. Wait a minute - I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

41. Aren't you just a black hole of need.

42. I'd like to help you out, which way did you come in?

43. Did you eat an extra bowl of stupid this morning?

44. Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma.

45. If you have something to say raise your hand............then
place it over your mouth.

46. I'm too busy, can I ignore you some other time?

47. Don't let you mind wander, its too small to be let out on its own.

48. Have a nice day, somewhere else.

49. You're not yourself today, I noticed an improvement straight away.

50. You are as pretty as a picture, I'd really like to hang you.

51. Don't believe everything you think.

52. Do you hear that? That's the sound of no-one caring.