best funny emails

At the end of the tax year, the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit the books of a synagogue.

easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the 
wax. Read on.......... 
My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, 
play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my 
mind for the next few hours: 'Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the 
medicine cabinet.' So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It 
was one of those 'cold wax' kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just 
rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart 
and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right 
off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I 
am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!) So I 
pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck 
together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out 
the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. 
('Cold wax,' yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin 
around it tight and pull. It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but 
it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am 
She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin 
extraordinaire. With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the 
kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting 
championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the 
same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini 
line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the 
inside of my butt cheek (it *was* a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace 
myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!! I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY 
GAWD!!!!!!!!! Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull 
off half the strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is 
spinning and spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay conscious... must 
stay conscious. Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to 
normal. I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has 
caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel 
in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip. 
There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX??? Slowly I 
ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The 
hair that should be on the strip...it's not! I touch. I am touching wax. I 
run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now 
covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG 
mistake...remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need 
to do something. So I put my foot down. Sealed shut! My butt is sealed 
shut. Sealed shut! I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out 
what to do and think to myself 'Please don't let me get the urge to poop. 
My head may pop off!' What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water 
melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get 
in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently 
wipe it off, right??? *WRONG!!!!!!!* I get in the tub - the water is 
slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize 
surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only thing worse than having your 
nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued 
to the bottom of the tub...in scalding 
hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax. So, now I'm stuck to 
the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!! 
God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put 
in the bathroom!! I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before 
and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation 
starter 'So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the 
tub!' There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for 
removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know 
exactly where the wax is located, 'Are we talking cheeks or hole or 
hoo-ha?' She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the 
rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the 
box. YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night. While 
we go through various solutions. I resort to trying to scrape the wax off 
with a razor . Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies 
covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and 
then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, 
dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need 
Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event. My friend is still 
talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion they give 
you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point? 
I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids and 
scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't 
care. 'IT WORKS!! It works !!' I get a hearty congratulation from my 
friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and 
then notice to my grief and despair.... 
THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could 
have amputated my own leg at this point. 
Next week I'm going to try hair color... 