Dear Dave

Dear Dave,

A friend is having trouble with his system. Last year he Upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from Drinking Mates 4.2, which he'd used for Years without any trouble.
However, apparently there are conflicts between these two Systems and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend with the sound turned off.
But to make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as:
Lads Night Out 3.1, Golf 2 and Playstation 2.0.

Successive versions of Girlfriend proved no better, Girlfriend 3.0 Had many bugs and left a virus in his system, forcing him to shut down completely for several weeks.
Eventually he tried installing Girlfriend 3.1 as well as Girlfriend 1.0 again, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to all his hardware.
Sensing a way out, he upgraded to Fiancée 1.0 only to discover to his dismay that this system requires rapid upgrading to Wife 1.0.
However, whilst 1.0 uses up all available resources it does come bundled with FreeSexPlus and Cleanhouse 2000 plus GreatMealsOnTable {although only guaranteed for a limited period}.
But imagine my friend's disappointment on discovering Wife 1.0 can be unstable and costly to maintain, any mistakes he makes are automatically stored in Wife Hard Drive and cannot be deleted - they then resurface months (or years) later.
Wife 1.0 also automatically runs Ultra STROP and WHINGE.zip and no option on the Help menu seems to work, leaving him to try and GUESS the fault himself.

The system footprint needs updating regularly requiring Shoeshop Browser.Pro for new attachments - Hairstyle Express needs to be reinstalled every week.
Wife 1.0 also has a rather annoying pop-up called Mother-in-law, which can't be turned off. Recently he's been tempted to try the Mistress 2000 add-on, but there could be problems. If Wife 1.0 detects the presence of Mistress 2000, it will delete all Money files before un-installing itself in a hidden folder.
Any ideas?

There is a club in Crawley that has under 18's nights, so there must be one in your neck of the woods.  But do look on the bright side, you won't get arrested hanging about the six form college or school gates!

Not tonight no. You will discover, when you are as wise as me, that the meaning of life changes on a regular basis.  But as that great sporting ambassador George Best said when asked what he did with his money " most of it was spent on loose women, fast cars and booze, the rest I wasted"