best funny emails

Here is 1 i got today

 

Water Or Coke ???
Which one is the 'Real Thing' ???

We all know that water is important but you've never seen it written down like this before.

WATER
1. 75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated. (Likely applies to half world population.)

2. In 37% of Americans, the thirst mechanism is so weak that it is often mistaken for hunger.

3. Even MILD dehydration will slow down one's metabolism as much as 3%.

4. One glass of water will shut down midnight hunger pangs for almost 100% of the dieters studied in a University of Washington study.

5. Lack of water, the #1 trigger of daytime fatigue.

6. Preliminary research indicates that 8-10 glasses of water a day could significantly ease back and joint pain for up to 80% of sufferers.

7. A mere 2% drop in body water can trigger fuzzy short-term memory, trouble with basic math, and difficulty focusing on the computer screen or on a printed page.

8. Drinking 5 glasses of water daily decreases the risk of colon cancer by 45%, plus it can slash the risk of breast cancer by 79%, and one is 50%less likely to develop bladder cancer. Are you drinking the amount of water you should every day?



COKE
1. In many states (in the USA) the highway patrol carries two gallons of Coke in the trunk to remove blood from the highway after a car accident.

2. You can put a T-bone steak in a bowl of coke and it will be gone in two days.

3. To clean a toilet: Pour a can of Coca-Cola into the toilet bowl and let the "real thing" sit for one hour, then flush clean. The citric acid in Coke removes stains from vitreous china.

4. To remove rust spots from chrome car bumpers: Rub the bumper with a rumpled-up piece of Reynolds Wrap aluminum foil dipped in Coca-Cola.

5. To clean corrosion from car battery terminals: Pour a can of Coca-Cola over the terminals to bubble away the corrosion.

6. To loosen a rusted bolt: Applying a cloth soaked in Coca-Cola to the rusted bolt for several minutes.

7. To bake a moist ham: Empty a can of Coca-Cola into the baking pan, wrap the ham in aluminum foil, and bake. Thirty minutes before the ham is finished, remove the foil, allowing the drippings to mix with the Coke for a sumptuous brown gravy.

8. To remove grease from clothes: Empty a can of coke into a load of greasy clothes, add detergent, and run through a regular cycle. The Coca-Cola will help loosen grease stains. It will also clean road haze from your windshield.



FOR YOUR INFORMATION:
1. The active ingredient in Coke is phosphoric acid. Its pH is 2.8. It will dissolve a nail in about four days. Phosphoric acid also leaches calcium from bones and is a major contributor to the rising increase in osteoporosis.

2. To carry Coca-Cola syrup (the concentrate) the commercial truck must use the Hazardous Material place cards reserved for highly corrosive materials.

3. The distributors of coke have been using it to clean the engines of their trucks for about 20 years!


Now the question is, would YOU like a glass of water or Coke?

here are extracts from actual letters sent to various councils and housing
associations throughout the UK:

1. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt
my knob off.

2. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he
put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

3. And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

4. I wish to report that the tiles are missing from the outside toilet
roof. I think it was that bad wind the other night that blew them off.

5. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

6. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path, my wife
tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant?

7. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen. 50% of
the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and the rest are plain
filthy.

8. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

9. Will you please send a man to look at my water? It is a funny
colour and not fit to drink.

10. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

11. I want to complain about the farmer across the road, every morning
at 6:00am his cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me.

12. The man next door has a large erection in the garden, which is
unsightly and dangerous.

13. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two small children and would
like a third so please send someone round to do something about it.

14. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you
please do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of
me every night.

15. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and
satisfy my wife.

16. I have had the clerk of the works down on the floor six times but
I still have had no satisfaction.

17. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage
<> has fungus in it.

18. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just
can't take it any more.

...why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?

...why can't women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

...why don't you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

...why is "abbreviated" is such a long word?

...why do doctors call what they do "practice"?

...why do you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?

...why is lemon juice is made with artificial flavour, while
dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?

...why is the man who invests all your money is called a broker?

...why isn't isn't mouse-flavored cat food?

...who tastes dog food, when it has a "new & improved" flavour?

...why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

...why do they sterilise the needle for lethal injections?

...why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for
the indestructible black box ?

...why sheep don't shrink when it rains?

...why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

...if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

...why do they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?

AND...

In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because
of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer
goods.

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (darn, and that's the
only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that
would be how???....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but,
it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside
<> down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but
wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate
machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce
the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those
5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking
this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash!)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet,
eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one: On a
child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you
to fly."

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands
or genitals."
(...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

Don't you believe so, hydro! On Elodie's wetsuit, along with the washing instructions, you can see:

DO NOT IRON

A :couple more stupid warnings

On a blanket from Taiwan -NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.

On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists -REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.

On a Taiwanese shampoo -USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.

In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles OPEN OTHER END.

On a New Zealand insect spray -THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS

On a packet of Sunmaid raisins -

WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE BREAKFAST CEREAL?

On a Korean kitchen knife -

WARNING KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN

some of them probably are.

heres an e-mail i got today: