best funny emails

   Take your time, Mike! It'll come to you, I promise.
Everyone sees it after a while.

Edited by Black no sugar

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Black no sugar Send Private Message Find Member's Posts Visit Member's Homepage Really should get out more Joined: 04 Dec 04 Location: Somewhere between Brighton and Lancing Online Status: Offline Posts: 3941	Post Options Post Reply Quote Black no sugar Report Post Quote Reply Topic: best funny emails Posted: 01 Apr 05 at 8:16am
	Take your time, Mike! It'll come to you, I promise. Everyone sees it after a while. Edited by Black no sugar
	Lancing SC

KnightMare Send Private Message Find Member's Posts Visit Member's Homepage Really should get out more Joined: 08 Feb 05 Location: United Kingdom Online Status: Offline Posts: 1682	Post Options Post Reply Quote KnightMare Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 01 Apr 05 at 10:39am
	Yeah u will be able to see that one mike. that is classic i must say. Thought I would share an email I received a coupl eof days ago. For all the women out there. 1. Q. What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground? A. Shoot him again. 2. Q. How can you tell when a man is well-hung? A. When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck & the noose. 3. Q. Why do little boys whine? A. Because they're practicing to be men. 4.How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? A. One - he just holds it up there & waits for the world to revolve around him. OR. Three - one to screw in the bulb, two to listen to him brag about the screwing part. 5. Q. What do you call a handcuffed man? A. Trustworthy. 6. Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath & calling your name? A. You didn't hold the pillow down long enough. 7. Q. Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg? A.Because not one will stop and ask directions. 8. Q. Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating? A. To stop the snoring before it starts 9. Q: Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet? A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe. 10. Q: What is the difference between men and women... A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need. 11. Q: How does a man keep his youth? A: By giving her money, furs and diamonds. 12. Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals"


Black no sugar Send Private Message Find Member's Posts Visit Member's Homepage Really should get out more Joined: 04 Dec 04 Location: Somewhere between Brighton and Lancing Online Status: Offline Posts: 3941	Post Options Post Reply Quote Black no sugar Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 01 Apr 05 at 10:56am
	Ohhh Miaow! That might be one of the reasons why Romance is pretty scarce for you these days, KnightMare ... With this kind of philosophy, you'll drive them away!!!
	Lancing SC

hydrographer20 Send Private Message Find Member's Posts Visit Member's Homepage Really should get out more Joined: 11 Feb 05 Location: United Kingdom Online Status: Offline Posts: 867	Post Options Post Reply Quote hydrographer20 Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 01 Apr 05 at 11:34am
	omg knightmare that is such a gd email - harsh i think but very true and funny
	byte me!- GBR 814

lozza Send Private Message Find Member's Posts Visit Member's Homepage Far too distracted from work Joined: 23 Sep 04 Online Status: Offline Posts: 262	Post Options Post Reply Quote lozza Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 01 Apr 05 at 2:32pm
	A preseason refresher course: To best prepare yourself try these quick exercises: 1. Buy a case of beer, sit with it in a very warm place for a few hours, and then drink it. 2. Apply sunscreen to your face in streaks and sit in front of a sun lamp for 2 hours 3. Sit on a bench with large metal fixtures cutting into your legs, stare straight up into the sun for 2 hours - for a more robust workout: invite 4 friends to come over and yell at you the whole time 4. Go out and get very drunk, sleep 4 hours, then stand on a rocking chair for 6 hours 5. Go to bank and withdraw £1,000 - then light it on fire 6. Sit in front of a commercial fan and have someone throw large buckets of salt water on you 7. Repeat number 6 in jeans and a sweatshirt AND/OR repeat number 6 with head turned sideways to ensure water lodging fully into ear drum 8. Cut limb off nearby tree, tie ropes to it, stand on rocking chair with tree limb and ropes - hold them over your head for 3 hours... at 5 minute intervals drop on your head - more robust version: have friends yell at you in 6 minute intervals 9. Set your wrist watch to 5-minute repeating counts... let it go off all day long 10. Pour cold water in your lap and give yourself a wedgie, now alternate between sitting and running around bent over 11. Tie ropes between 2 trees - push your body against them as hard as you can for 6 consecutive hours - don't stop for pain or bruising 12. Place sandpaper on your stairs, crawl up and down on your knees for several hours 13. Make 12 sandwiches on white bread with bad meat and cram them into a bread bag - eat one a day for 12 consecutive days... make sure the last one is peanut butter and jelly if preparing for Race Week 14. Tie ropes to rear bumper of friend's car, hold on tightly, but allow rope to slip through fingers as car drives away - TIP: works best with nylon fibre ropes, lengths in excess of 50' 15. Upon completion of previous 14 drills - sit down and drink 14 Mt Gay rum drinks, any flavour
	Life's a reach, then you gybe

Spot192 Send Private Message Find Member's Posts Visit Member's Homepage Really should get out more Joined: 28 Nov 04 Location: Germany Online Status: Offline Posts: 833	Post Options Post Reply Quote Spot192 Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 01 Apr 05 at 3:12pm
	that´s a good e-mail. i´ll have especially to do number 4. think i´m not as fit as last year... have you all tried it yet iozza?

carshalton fc Send Private Message Find Member's Posts Visit Member's Homepage Really should get out more Joined: 26 Jan 05 Location: England Online Status: Offline Posts: 2337	Post Options Post Reply Quote carshalton fc Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 01 Apr 05 at 3:15pm
	thats good did you make that up yourself?
	International 14 1503

headfry Send Private Message Find Member's Posts Far too distracted from work Joined: 15 Jul 04 Location: United Kingdom Online Status: Offline Posts: 359	Post Options Post Reply Quote headfry Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 01 Apr 05 at 3:35pm
	Iozza, a master piece

Mike278 Send Private Message Find Member's Posts Far too distracted from work Joined: 09 Mar 05 Location: United Kingdom Online Status: Offline Posts: 256	Post Options Post Reply Quote Mike278 Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 01 Apr 05 at 6:24pm
	ok, now i see the giraffe
	Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

hydrographer20 Send Private Message Find Member's Posts Visit Member's Homepage Really should get out more Joined: 11 Feb 05 Location: United Kingdom Online Status: Offline Posts: 867	Post Options Post Reply Quote hydrographer20 Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 01 Apr 05 at 9:39pm
	took u long nough to see the giraffe lmao. that i like a sailnig bible for preparation
	byte me!- GBR 814