best funny emails

Originally posted by MRJP BUZZ 585 Nice one Mr Moo

Err, I may be wrong, but should that be "Mrs Moo"? 

This couple is driving along the highway and the husband,
who is driving, is complaining about everything...the
heat, the long drive, bad drivers, the country, etc.
His wife is getting absolutely annoyed with his depressing
talk, so she says to him, "One more complaint and I'll
cut your penis off with my Swiss army knife!" About
half an hour later, he starts complaining again, and
before he could blink his wife pulls out her knife and
slices her husband's penis off and throws it out the
window.

Driving behind the couple's car is another married couple
and their 8 year old daughter. The penis suddenly lands
on their car's windshield and the father, in a panic,
quickly puts on the windshield wipers to get the dick
off the windshield and out of the view of his daughter.
After he does this, the daughter asks, "Daddy, what
was that?". Her father, still in a panic, replies, "Oh
it was only a butterfly, dear." To which his daughter
replies, "F k me, did you see the size of its dick!"

Originally posted by Isis I reckon everyone whos sold a boat/car etc online gets a few of these but this one ammused me: Hello ,    Thanks for your advert, that you are willing to sale the listed  modified axeman 5, so am Aloney osifo  by name ,i will like to know more details about the ad, cos i am highly interesting in buying the type to my new home,Moreso i will like to know yours : 1)Yours last offer...... 2)Prescent condition of the pet.... 3)Sent the picture if available... Despite you sent the information to me about the ad,for more on the payment i will like to make paymenr throught  cheque cos am buying from oversea. Moreso i wouldn't like you  boarding yourself for picking up the ad from you at yours convient time cos i contact a reputable and honesty shipper that will take care of that,Hope to read from you asap. Regards.. Hang on. Condition of the pet? I was under the impression that most of these thing worked on the principle that they send you a dodgy cheque, they get the goods, cheque bounces, they disapear... So hes going to send me a cheque then run off with my pet moth? A suitable responce has been sent..

Just goes to prove why you should not use online translaters such as Babelfish!!

Two Scousers are riding along the M62 from Manchester to Liverpool on a

motorbike. They break down and start hitching a lift.

A friendly trucker stops to see if he can help and the scousers ask him for

a lift. He tells them that he has no room in the wagon as he is carrying

20,000 bowling balls but will take a look at the bike for them.

 

He tries everything he knows but is unable to repair it. Time is getting on

now and he's late for his delivery so he tells the scousers he has to leave.

 

The scousers put it to the driver that if they can manage to fit in the back

with the 20,000 bowling balls, will he take them, so he agrees.

 

They manage to squeeze themselves and their motorbike into the back of the

wagon so the driver shuts the doors and gets off on his way.

 

By this time he is really late and so puts his foot down.

 

Sure enough PC Plod of Greater Manchester Police pulls him up for speeding.

 

The good officer asks the driver what he is carrying to which he replies

with sarcasm "Scouse eggs". The policeman obviously doesn't believe this so

wants to take a look.

 

He opens the back door and quickly shuts it and locks it. He rushes back to

his cruiser and gets onto his radio and calls for immediate backup from as

many officers as possible.

 

The dispatcher asks what emergency he has that he requires so many officers.

 

"I've got a wagon with 20,000 Scouse eggs in it - 2 have already hatched and

the f *ckers have managed to nick a motorbike already!

I agree thats funny as