best funny emails

 Brilliant!

...fnarf, fnarf, cackle

How do you titillate an Ocelot???

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You oscillate it's t*t a lot.

I know Winter appears to have finished, but I quite liked this one I just found:

One winter morning a husband and wife were listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer say, “We are going to have 2 to 3 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowploughs can get through”. So the good wife went out and moved her car.

A week later while they were eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, “We are expecting 4 to 5 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowploughs can get through”.
The good wife went out and moved her car again.

The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, “We are expecting 6 to 7 inches of snow today. You must park......” Then the electric power went out.

The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, “Honey, I don't
know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowploughs can get through?”

With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to Blondes exhibit, the husband replied,

“Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?”

Poor Blondes

Coffee and Sex "

An Irish woman of advanced age visited her doctor to ask his help in reviving her husband's libido.

"What about trying Viagra?" asks the doctor.

"Not a chance," she said. "He won't even take an aspirin!"

"Not a problem," replied the doc. "Give him an Irish Viagra. Drop it into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went."

It wasn't a week later that she called the doctor, who inquired as to progress.

The poor dear exclaimed, "Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T'was horrid. Just terrible, doctor!"

"Really? What happened?" asked the doctor.

"Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped hisself straight up, with a twinkle in his eye and
with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent the cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there, making wild, mad, passionate love to me on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!"

Why so terrible?" asked the doctor. "Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good?"

"Oh, no, no, no, Doctor, the sex was fine indeed! Twas the best sex I've had in 25 years!

But sure as I'm sittin' here, I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!"