best funny emails

   A man was being interviewed for a job. 

"Were you in the service?" ask the interviewer. 

"Yes, I was a marine," responded the applicant. 

"Did you see any active duty?" 

"I was in Vietnam for 2 years and I have a partial disability." 

"May I ask what happened?" 

"Well, I had a grenade go off between my legs and I lost both 
testicles." 

"You're hired. You can start Monday at 10 am." 

"When does everyone else start? I don't want any preferential 
treatment because of my disability." 

"Everyone else starts at 7 am but I might as well be honest with 
you. Nothing gets done between 7 and 10. We just sit 
around scratching our balls trying to decide what to do first."

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MRJP BUZZ 585 Send Private Message Find Member's Posts Visit Member's Homepage Really should get out more Joined: 05 Mar 06 Location: United Kingdom Online Status: Offline Posts: 1496	Post Options Post Reply Quote MRJP BUZZ 585 Report Post Quote Reply Topic: best funny emails Posted: 02 Feb 07 at 12:43pm
	A man was being interviewed for a job. "Were you in the service?" ask the interviewer. "Yes, I was a marine," responded the applicant. "Did you see any active duty?" "I was in Vietnam for 2 years and I have a partial disability." "May I ask what happened?" "Well, I had a grenade go off between my legs and I lost both testicles." "You're hired. You can start Monday at 10 am." "When does everyone else start? I don't want any preferential treatment because of my disability." "Everyone else starts at 7 am but I might as well be honest with you. Nothing gets done between 7 and 10. We just sit around scratching our balls trying to decide what to do first."
	Josh Preater BUZZING IS FUN

Worthy Send Private Message Find Member's Posts Visit Member's Homepage Really should get out more Joined: 07 Dec 05 Location: United Kingdom Online Status: Offline Posts: 511	Post Options Post Reply Quote Worthy Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 02 Feb 07 at 2:20pm
	Watch out for this Tesco scam!! I don't normally distribute these things but this is a worthwhile "heads up" for those of you who may be regular Tesco customers. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you. Here's how the scam works: Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the boot. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say "No" and instead ask you for a ride to another Tesco's. You agree and they get in the back seat. On the way, they start having sex with each other. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and performs sex on you, while the other one steals your wallet. I had my wallet stolen December 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, & 24th. Also, January 1st, 3rd, twice on the 7th, three times just yesterday and very likely again this upcoming weekend. Watch out

FireballNeil Send Private Message Find Member's Posts Visit Member's Homepage Really should get out more Joined: 03 Oct 06 Location: United Kingdom Online Status: Offline Posts: 654	Post Options Post Reply Quote FireballNeil Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 02 Feb 07 at 4:10pm
	NO one has replied cos they've all gone to Tesco's!
	Neil

English Dave Send Private Message Find Member's Posts Visit Member's Homepage Really should get out more Joined: 10 Aug 06 Location: Northern Ireland Online Status: Offline Posts: 682	Post Options Post Reply Quote English Dave Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 02 Feb 07 at 11:05pm
	Shamelessly, I have cut, pasted and claimed as my own before emailing to everyone I know. Best yet. Which Tescos is this? I've been waiting in the carpark at Knocknagoney for several days now. (purely in a neighbourhood-watch capacity, you understand).
	English Dave Ballyholme Yacht Club (You'd think I'd be better at it by now) Hurricane 5.9 SX RS700

Webmuppet Send Private Message Find Member's Posts Visit Member's Homepage Really should get out more Joined: 11 Mar 06 Location: Suffolk Online Status: Offline Posts: 534	Post Options Post Reply Quote Webmuppet Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 03 Feb 07 at 10:34pm
	Victoria Beckham was being driven around the countryside in her limo by her driver. Suddenly a cow walked into the road and, unable to stop in time, the limo hits the cow. Slightly shaken up, the driver goes to see if the cow is alright. "Is it alright?" said Victoria Beckham. The driver prodded the cow with his foot and shook his head. "No ma'm, it's dead." "Well you were driving, you go tell the farmer what happened!" So the driver goes off to the nearby farm. A couple of hours later the driver came back holding a bottle of wine, his clothes scruffy and messed up. "Good grief, what happened to you?" Victoria exclaimed as she saw the driver. "Well ma'm, the farmer gave me this bottle of wine, the farmer's wife gave me a kiss and their daughter made love to me." "What the hell did you say?" I'm Victoria Beckham's driver and I've just killed the cow."
	I am the milkman of human kindness, I will leave an extra pint (Billy Bragg) Graduate 2530 'Galaxy'

Chris Noble Send Private Message Find Member's Posts Really should get out more Joined: 26 Nov 04 Location: Scotland Online Status: Offline Posts: 710	Post Options Post Reply Quote Chris Noble Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 04 Feb 07 at 12:10am
	ace
	Competitive Boat Insurance From Noble Marine FOR SALE: I14 2 Masts 2 poles 3 Booms, Foils Kites/Mains/Jibs too many to list.

MRJP BUZZ 585 Send Private Message Find Member's Posts Visit Member's Homepage Really should get out more Joined: 05 Mar 06 Location: United Kingdom Online Status: Offline Posts: 1496	Post Options Post Reply Quote MRJP BUZZ 585 Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 04 Feb 07 at 8:19am
	Nice one
	Josh Preater BUZZING IS FUN

The Moo Send Private Message Find Member's Posts Really should get out more Joined: 01 Jun 06 Online Status: Offline Posts: 809	Post Options Post Reply Quote The Moo Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 04 Feb 07 at 10:09pm
	At a recent press conference Hilary Clinton announced that she would be running for president at the next US elections. At the conference she also revealed that to demonstrate the seriousness of her campaign all of her pubic hair would be shaved off until after the election. When asked why she felt it necessary to take this rather drastic action she responded, "Read my lips..... there will be no more Bush"

MRJP BUZZ 585 Send Private Message Find Member's Posts Visit Member's Homepage Really should get out more Joined: 05 Mar 06 Location: United Kingdom Online Status: Offline Posts: 1496	Post Options Post Reply Quote MRJP BUZZ 585 Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 04 Feb 07 at 10:52pm
	Now that is a VERY good one
	Josh Preater BUZZING IS FUN

Contender 541 Send Private Message Find Member's Posts Visit Member's Homepage Really should get out more Joined: 05 Dec 05 Location: Burton on Trent Online Status: Offline Posts: 1402	Post Options Post Reply Quote Contender 541 Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 05 Feb 07 at 10:17pm
	Excuse Notes from Parents These are actual excuse notes from parents (including original spelling) collected by Nisheeth Parekh, University Texas Medical Branch @ Galveston... My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him. Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot. Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33. Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating. Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side. Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels. Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (diahre) (dyrea) (direathe) the sh*ts. [words were crossed out in the ( )'s] Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust. Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault. I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wear. Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday. Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well. Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover. Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor. Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.
	When you find a big kettle of crazy it's probably best not to stir it - Pointy Haired Boss Crew on 505 8780