best funny emails

Imagine if all major retailers started making their own condoms but kept the same tag-line . .. .

Sainsbury Condoms - making life taste better.
Tesco Condoms - every little helps.
Nike Condoms - Just do it.
Peugeot Condoms - The ride of your life.
Galaxy Condoms - Why have rubber when you can have silk.
KFC Condoms - Finger licking good.
Minstrels Condoms -melt in your mouth, not in your hands.
Safeway Condoms - Lightening the load.
Abbey National condoms - because life is complicated enough.
Coca Cola condoms - The real thing.
Ever Ready condoms - keep going and going.
Pringles condoms - once you pop, you can't stop.
Burger King Condoms - Home of the whopper.
Goodyear Condoms - for a longer ride go wide.
FCUK condoms - no comment required.
Muller light condoms - so much pleasure, but where's the pain?
Halfords condoms - we go the extra mile.
Royal Mail condoms - I saw this and thought of you.
Andrex condoms - Soft, strong and very very long.
Renault condoms - size really does matter!
Ronseal condoms - does exactly what it says on the tin.
Ronseal quick-drying condoms - it's dry and waterproof in 30 minutes.
Domestos condoms - gets right under the rim ! ! ! (Please).
Heineken condoms - reaches parts that other condoms just cannot reach.
Carlsberg condoms - probably the best condom in the world.
AA Condoms - for the 4th emergency service.
Pepperami condoms - it's a bit of a animal.
Polo condoms - the condom with the hole.

1. Two blondes walk into a building..........you'd think at least one of  them would have seen it.
2. Phone answering machine message - "...If you want to buy marijuana,  press the hash key..."
3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
5. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high." 

still very funny tho

Not sure if this has been posted before, and I cant be bothered to read back 118 pages!!

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A young man is walking down the street, when he sees a Funeral procession coming the other way.

He stops, and watches as a hearse goes past, with another one about 50 yards behind it.

As he stands there, he notices there is a solitary gentleman, dressed all in black, walking a pitbull behind the hearses, with a queue of other men in single file behind him.

As this is the strangest funeral he has seen, he walks up to the gentleman with the dog, and quietly and politely asks:

"I'm not trying to be rude, but this is the strangest funeral I have seen. What happened?"

The gentleman replies:

"Well, my wife was out walking the dog, when something spooked it, and it attacked her."

"So she is in the first coffin? Who is in the second one?" comes the reply.

"Yes, My wife is in the first coffin. My Mother-In-Law jumped in to try and help my wife, but the dog turned on her as well. She is in the second coffin"

"Oh Dear" says the young man. "Listen, There wouldn't be any chance I could borrow that dog would there?"

To which the gentleman replied:




"Join the queue"


Edited by Villan

Near sound for this one

Merry Christmas everyone

http://www.thecompassgroup.biz/merryxmas.swf