best funny emails

   THE LAST WORD

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
Bertrand Russell

Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in
the sunlight.
Benjamin Franklin

It is better to hide ignorance, but it is hard to do this when we relax
over wine.
Heraclitus

Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind. 
Albert Einstein

People who get nostalgic about childhood were obviously never children.
Bill Watterson

I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War
IV will be fought with sticks and stones.
Albert Einstein

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources. 
Albert Einstein

Where humour is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is
good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
John Kenneth Galbraith

I merely took the energy it takes to pout and wrote some blues.
Duke Ellington

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
Steven Wright

For a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve the quality of
life, please press three. 
Alice Kahn

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical
substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
Carl Jung

Under democracy one party always devotes its chief energies to trying to
prove that the other party is unfit to rule - and both commonly succeed,
and are right.
H. L. Mencken

Failure is not the only punishment for laziness; there is also the success
of others. 
Jules Renard

So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise
of intelligence.
Bertrand Russell

The surprising thing about young fools is how many survive to become old
fools.
Doug Larson

I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's
deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?
Jean Kerr

Analysing humour is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and
the frog dies of it.
E. B. White

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be
pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues. 
Elizabeth Taylor

For four-fifths of our history, our planet was populated by pond scum.
J. W. Schopf

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one.
Leo Burke

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it. 
Andre Gide

It is the spirit and not the form of law that keeps justice alive.
Earl Warren

I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as
equals.
Sir Winston Churchill

You see things; and you say, 'Why?' But I dream things that never were;
and I say, "Why not?"
George Bernard Shaw

Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.
Oscar Wilde

Insanity in individuals is something rare - but in groups, parties,
nations and epochs, it is the rule.
Friedrich Nietzsche

There's no point in being grown up if you can't be childish sometimes. 
Doctor Who

An unhurried sense of time is in itself a form of wealth.
Bonnie Friedman

I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.
Charles Dickens, Ebeneezer Scrooge, A Christmas Carol

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's
troublesome.
Isaac Asimov

"My country, right or wrong," is a thing that no patriot would think of
saying except in a desperate case. It is like saying, "My mother, drunk or
sober."
G. K. Chesterton

It's a sign of mediocrity when you demonstrate gratitude with moderation.
Roberto Benigni

Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much. 
Oscar Wilde

I have always found that mercy bears richer fruits than strict justice. 
Abraham Lincoln