best funny emails

   A teacher gave her class of 11 year olds an
assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story
with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids 
came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

Karl said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of
egg laying chooks. One time we were taking our eggs to
market in a basket on the front seat of the car when 
we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs
went flying and broke and made a mess."

"What's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.

"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!" 

"Very good," said the teacher.

Next little Emily raised her hand and said, "Our
family are farmers too, but we raise chooks for the
meat market. One day we had a dozen eggs, but when
they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the
moral to this story is, 'Don't count your chickens
before they're hatched'."

That was a fine story Emily. Mick, do you have a story
to share?"

"Yes. My dad told me this story about my Aunty Sharon.
Aunty Sharon was a flight engineer on a plane in the
Gulf War and her plane got hit. She had to bail out
over enemy territory and all she had was 3
bottles of rum, a machine gun and a machete. She drank
all the rum on the way down so it wouldn't break and
then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy
troops.
She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until 
she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more
with the machete And then she killed the last ten with
her bare hands."

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind
of moral did your father tell you from that horrible 
story?"

"Stay the f..k away from Aunty Sharon when she's been
on the piss."

Edited by PeterJCh

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PeterJCh Send Private Message Find Member's Posts Visit Member's Homepage Newbie Joined: 15 Jul 05 Location: United Kingdom Online Status: Offline Posts: 21	Post Options Post Reply Quote PeterJCh Report Post Quote Reply Topic: best funny emails Posted: 21 Aug 06 at 11:01pm
	A teacher gave her class of 11 year olds an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. Karl said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg laying chooks. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess." "What's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher. "Don't put all your eggs in one basket!" "Very good," said the teacher. Next little Emily raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers too, but we raise chooks for the meat market. One day we had a dozen eggs, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is, 'Don't count your chickens before they're hatched'." That was a fine story Emily. Mick, do you have a story to share?" "Yes. My dad told me this story about my Aunty Sharon. Aunty Sharon was a flight engineer on a plane in the Gulf War and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was 3 bottles of rum, a machine gun and a machete. She drank all the rum on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands." "Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your father tell you from that horrible story?" "Stay the f..k away from Aunty Sharon when she's been on the piss." Edited by PeterJCh
	PeterJCh

Black no sugar Send Private Message Find Member's Posts Visit Member's Homepage Really should get out more Joined: 04 Dec 04 Location: Somewhere between Brighton and Lancing Online Status: Offline Posts: 3941	Post Options Post Reply Quote Black no sugar Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 21 Aug 06 at 11:51pm
	Brilliant!
	Lancing SC

Bumble Send Private Message Find Member's Posts Far too distracted from work Joined: 12 Nov 05 Location: Taiwan Online Status: Offline Posts: 302	Post Options Post Reply Quote Bumble Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 22 Aug 06 at 11:58pm
	Peter JCH - why does your picky say 'ping hur'? Is that some kind of joke? seems abit odd to me.... maybe a bit Shakespere in a different context. Please, enlighten me.

PeterJCh Send Private Message Find Member's Posts Visit Member's Homepage Newbie Joined: 15 Jul 05 Location: United Kingdom Online Status: Offline Posts: 21	Post Options Post Reply Quote PeterJCh Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 23 Aug 06 at 1:06am
	Thought that my avater is Heiwa, or "peace". Refers to my keen interest now, see http://createpermanentpeace.com for more info. Not a site for humour, but very interesting to look at the science in the downloadable book. Takes up a bit of the day, rest of the day to be enjoyed where possible...... To keep this on topic: When someone puts in for Child Support, the proper thing to do is find out who the father is and see why he is not providing support. The following are all replies that women have written on Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing the father's details. Or putting it another way..... Who's your Daddy! These are genuine excerpts from the forms: 1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was fathered by Jim Munson. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night. 2. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps. 3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party at 36 Grand Avenue where I had unprotected sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father, can you send me his phone number? Thanks. 4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced. 5. I have never had sex with a man. I am still a Virginian. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was immaculate and that he is Christ risen again. 6. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise. 7. I do not know who the father of my child was as all blacks look the same to me. 8. Peter Smith is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him, can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs? Child B who was also borned at the same time....well I don't have a clue. 9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Disney World; maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom. 10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a programme about eggs earlier in the evening. If I'd have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at 146 Miller Drive, mine might have remained unfertilized. 11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart.
	PeterJCh

Black no sugar Send Private Message Find Member's Posts Visit Member's Homepage Really should get out more Joined: 04 Dec 04 Location: Somewhere between Brighton and Lancing Online Status: Offline Posts: 3941	Post Options Post Reply Quote Black no sugar Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 23 Aug 06 at 1:23am
	Maybe the Cantonese answer to "Ben Hur".... Try this one: Despite a huge success with the crowds in its time, Ben Hur never quite made it in China (he was big in Japan, though). Crafty producers swapped the horses for rickshaws, replaced the Roman Emperor by The Last Emperor (he was free that day) and renamed the eponymous character in the name of political correctness! (how do you say "political correctness" in Cantonese, Bumble?) Then again, Pete's Chinese might stop at "a number 23 please" and he only fancied pretty ideograms as an avatar. Some practical joker gave him this one, which Pete mistook for "kanji for peace" symbol (don't ask me). However, our erudite Bumble tells us it means Ping Hur, and he's puzzled... Might be the Shangai equivalent of Cockney rhyming slang I haven't got a clue, honestly - but you all knew that...
	Lancing SC

Bumble Send Private Message Find Member's Posts Far too distracted from work Joined: 12 Nov 05 Location: Taiwan Online Status: Offline Posts: 302	Post Options Post Reply Quote Bumble Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 23 Aug 06 at 8:42pm
	Very funny.... so it's not French then? It is madarin I speak and I know nothing about anything. The Ping is the same ping as yi ping pi jio - a bottle of beer. So the chances of it having something to do with peese are high. Just promise me Peter you won't have it tatooed somewhere on your person for eternal prosperity as is so often seen these days.

Black no sugar Send Private Message Find Member's Posts Visit Member's Homepage Really should get out more Joined: 04 Dec 04 Location: Somewhere between Brighton and Lancing Online Status: Offline Posts: 3941	Post Options Post Reply Quote Black no sugar Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 23 Aug 06 at 9:32pm
	That would be worth the IoS Observatory! If it's the case, maybe Peter got the template from sitting on the latest takeway menu... Eh, I'm called Black no Sugar... It's certainly not as good as being knows as "A bottle of beer -Hur!"
	Lancing SC

Guests Send Private Message Find Member's Posts Guest Group	Post Options Post Reply Quote Guests Quote Reply Posted: 24 Aug 06 at 5:15pm
	That's nice TT I'll play it to the daughters of darkness and the breadknife I'm sure they'll thankyou. Better look over your shoulder now and again

Black no sugar Send Private Message Find Member's Posts Visit Member's Homepage Really should get out more Joined: 04 Dec 04 Location: Somewhere between Brighton and Lancing Online Status: Offline Posts: 3941	Post Options Post Reply Quote Black no sugar Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 24 Aug 06 at 6:33pm
	Hmmmppphhhh...
	Lancing SC

stuarthop Send Private Message Find Member's Posts Really should get out more Joined: 22 Dec 04 Location: Nottingham Online Status: Offline Posts: 1040	Post Options Post Reply Quote stuarthop Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 24 Aug 06 at 9:19pm