best funny emails

Pearls of wisdom from Norm Peterson (Cheers)

"Beer please Woody."
"Isn't it a little early Mr Peterson?"
"OK. Float a cornflake in it"

"What's shakin' Norm?"
"What isn't?"

"What would ya say to a beer?"
"What's a nice beer like you doing in a place like this?"

"What'll you have, Norm?"
"Fame, fortune, and fast women."
"How 'bout a beer?"
"Even better."

"Whatcha up to Norm?"
"My ears."

"Beer Norm?"
"I remember that stuff. Better give me a tall one in case I like it."

"Well, look at you. You look like the cat that swallowed the canary."
"And I need a beer to wash him down."

"How's life Norm?"
"Ask a man who's got one."

"What can I do for you Norm?"
"Well, I am going to need something to kill time before my second beer. Uhhh, how about a first one?"

"How's it going, Norm?"
"Cut the small talk and get me a beer."

"What's the story, Norm?"
"Thirsty guy walks into a bar. You finish it."

"What's going on, Normie?"
"My birthday, Sammy. Give me a beer, stick a candle in it, and I'll
blow out my liver."

"Hey, Mr. Peterson, what's up?"
"The warranty on my liver."

"How would a beer feel, Mr. Peterson?"
"Pretty nervous if I was in the room."

"What's doing, Norm?"
"Well, science is seeking a cure for thirst. I happen to be the guinea pig."

"What's the latest, Mr. Peterson?"
"Zha-Zha marries a millionaire, Peterson drinks a beer. Film at eleven."

"How's life, Mr. Peterson?"
"Oh, I'm waiting for the movie."

"What's up, Normie?"
"My nipples, it's freezing out there."

"Can I draw you a beer Norm ?"
"No, I know what they look like. Just pour me one."

"How's a beer sound Norm?"
"I dunno. I usually finish them before they get a word in."

"What's shaking Norm?"
"All four cheeks & a couple of chins."

"Beer, Normie?"
"Uh, Coach, I dunno, I had one this week."
"Eh, why not, I'm still young."

"What would you say to a nice beer Normie?"
"Going Down?"

"Beer, Norm?"
"Yeah, that's it."

"What's new Normie?"
"Terrorists, Sam. They've taken over my stomach & they're demanding beer."

"What'll it be Normie?"
"Just the usual Coach. I'll have a froth of beer & a snorkel."

"How's life in the fast lane?"
"Dunno, can't get on the on-ramp."

"What would you say to a beer Normie?"
"Daddy wuvs you."

"What'd you like Normie?"
"A reason to live. Give me another beer."

"What'll you have Normie?"
"Well, I'm in a gambling mood Sammy. I'll take a glass of whatever comes
out of that tap."
"Looks like beer, Norm."
"Call me Mister Lucky."

"What'd you say Norm?"
"Any cheap, tawdry thing that will get me a beer."

"What would you say to a beer Norm?"
"Hiya, sailor. New in town?"

(Coming in from the rain)
"Evening everybody."
Everybody: "Norm!"
"Still pouring Norm?"
"That's funny, I was about to ask you the same thing."

"Whaddya say, Norm?"
"Well, I never met a beer I didn't drink."

"Hey Norm, how's the world been treating you?"
"Like a baby treats a diaper."

"Would you like a beer Mr. Peterson?"
"No, I'd like a dead cat in a glass."

"What's your pleasure, Mr. Peterson?"
"Boxer shorts and loose shoes. But I'll settle for a beer."

"How's life treating you?"
"It's not, Sammy, but you can."

"What's the story Mr. Peterson?"
"The Bobbsey twins go to the brewery. Let's cut to the happy ending."

"Hey Mr. Peterson, there's a cold one waiting for you."
"I know, if she calls, I'm not here."

"Beer, Norm?"
"Have I gotten that predictable? Good."

"What's going on Mr. Peterson?"
"A flashing sign in my gut that says, 'Insert beer here.'"

"Hey Mr. Peterson, Jack Frost nipping at your nose?"
"Yep, now let's get Joe Beer nipping at my liver, huh?"

"What's going on Mr. Peterson?"
"Another layer for the winter, Wood."

"Whatcha up to Norm?"
"My ideal weight if I were eleven feet tall."

"How's it going Mr. Peterson?"
"Poor."
"I'm sorry to hear that."
"No, I mean pour."

"How's life treating you Norm?"
"Like it caught me sleeping with its wife."

"Women. Can't live with 'em....pass the beer nuts."

"What's going down, Normie?"
"My butt cheeks on that bar stool."

"Beer, Norm?"
"Naah, I'd probably just drink it."

"Pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?"
"Alright, but stop me at one....make that one-thirty."

"How's it going Mr. Peterson?"
"It's a dog eat dog world, Woody & I'm wearing Milk Bone underwear."

"What's the story Norm?"
"Boy meets beer. Boy drinks beer. Boy meets another beer."

"How's about a beer, Norm?"
"That's that amber sudsy stuff, right? I've heard good things about it!"

"What's going on Mr. Peterson?"
"The question is what's going in Mr. Peterson? A beer please, Woody."

"Can I pour you a beer Mr. Peterson?"
"A little early isn't it, Woody?"
"For a beer?"
"No, for stupid questions."