Dear Dave

BNS you total wine snob! I suppose you also object to synthetic corks too?

Personally I don't care what it comes in so long as it tastes good.

One of the nicest wines I tasted was a very cheap French plonk that came with a plastic top.  Ok if you drink it close to purchase.

HOWEVER if it is a wine that can be laid down for a while it has to be a proper cork.

Out of interest my dear BNS what is your favourite red wine?

No.  It would only spoil it for her with normal men.

In fact the majority of women who have had the benefit of the BIGWAVEDAVE experience have been heard to comment ' I'll never want to do that with another man ever again'

Warm your wetsuit in the shower, this will make it easier to get on, whilst the wetsuit is soaking up the entire hot water supply of the club go and have a few stiff drinks and then smoke at least ten fags (make sure they are filterless, Players Senior Service are my personal recommendation).

Stagger into the changing rooms coughing your guts up.  Retrieve wetsuit from showers. The numb feeling the alcohol gives you will ease the restrictive feeling of the tight wetsuit, get the top half of the wetsuit on just after a really good cough, you will have less air in your lungs so your chest will be smaller.

Do not worry about anyone seeing you do this.  If you have had the shower running long enough and hot enough the changing room should be full of steam.

Whatever you do, do not win the regatta, it will take several; hours for the water supply to heat up again and the first ones back will have cold showers.