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Pierre View Drop Down
Really should get out more
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Joined: 15 Mar 04
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Posts: 1532 		Post Options Post Options   Quote Pierre Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: best funny emails
    Posted: 03 Jun 05 at 11:32am
Blobby, don't be bullied by BnS.  Doing a trip to New Zealand at a time like this shows great moral fibre on your part.....especially as the Lions are there at the same time
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Blobby View Drop Down
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Posts: 779 		Post Options Post Options   Quote Blobby Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Jun 05 at 3:30am

Originally posted by Black no sugar

And leave a 7 1/2-month pregnant Mrs Blobby behind, with 2 young active boys to deal with, and a half-built Cherub on the kitchen table. You ARE a star, aren't you...

Damn - I knew there was a flaw to this inner peace thing!

Unfortunately the Cherub is all in my mind at the moment...but Mrs Blobby did grant permission (you don't think I would go on a trip at this time without consent??)
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Black no sugar View Drop Down
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Posts: 3941 		Post Options Post Options   Quote Black no sugar Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Jun 05 at 10:11am
Originally posted by Blobby

 (you don't think I would go on a trip at this time without consent??)

I hope you're going to make every effort to find her a lovely, unusual (an expensive  ) present to thank her for her kindness...

(then again, she might get the lastest Stephen King paperback, from the airport...)
Lancing SC
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Blobby View Drop Down
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Joined: 07 May 04
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Posts: 779 		Post Options Post Options   Quote Blobby Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 Jun 05 at 1:18am

There is only one present of choice from NZ - a 400gm bar of Whittakers dark chocolate...
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Black no sugar View Drop Down
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Posts: 3941 		Post Options Post Options   Quote Black no sugar Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 Jun 05 at 9:36am

MMMWWWAAHHHHHH !!! Blobby....

You know that, over the months, I've always said what a great guy you were, and I've come to see you as a friend .

 Any chance of chocolate for me too???

Lancing SC
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sailor.jon View Drop Down
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Joined: 02 Nov 04
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Posts: 361 		Post Options Post Options   Quote sailor.jon Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 Jun 05 at 5:51pm

probs not a funny email, but one i fot i wud share none the less

The way a guy should treat a girl!!!!

Put your arms around her waist and whisper in her ear

Make her feel wanted every chance you get

Hold her close when she's cold

When you are alone hold her close and kiss her

Kiss her on the tip of her nose
(it will give her the hint that you want to kiss them)

While in the movie, put your arm around her
and then she will automatically put her head on your shoulder,
then lean in and tilt her chin and kiss her lightly

When she complains that her neck/ shoulders hurts massage it for her

When people diss her stand up for her

Look deep into her eyes and tell her you love her

Lay down under the stars and out her head on your chest so she can
listen to
the steady beat of your heart,

Link your fingers together while you whisper to her
as she rests her eyes and listens to you

Now make a wish about something you would like to happen
between you and your crush

Jon
Vortex 1169
Yorkshire Dales Sailing Club
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Blobby View Drop Down
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Posts: 779 		Post Options Post Options   Quote Blobby Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 Jun 05 at 1:55am

For the more cynical among us...

> >> An elderly Irishman lay dying in his bed. While suffering the
> >> agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his
> >> favourite cheese scones wafting up the stairs. He gathered his
> >> remaining strength,
> >>
> >> and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he
> >> slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater
> >> effort, gripping the railing with both hands,
> >>
> >> he crawled downstairs. With laboured breath, he leaned against the
> >> doorframe, gazing into the kitchen.
> >>
> >> Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself
> >> already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the
> >> kitchen
> >>
> >> table were dozens of his favourite cheese scones. Was it heaven? Or
> >> was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted Irish wife of
> >> sixty years,
> >>
> >> seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
> >>
> >> Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the
> >> table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips
> >> parted, he could almost taste the cheese scone before it was in his
> >> mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life.
> >>
> >> The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to the nearest scone
> >> at the edge of the table, when his hand was suddenly smacked with a
> >> spatula by his wife . . . . . . . . .
> >>
> >> "F*ck Off!! ",she said, "They're for the funeral"
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jpbuzz591 View Drop Down
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Posts: 793 		Post Options Post Options   Quote jpbuzz591 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 Jun 05 at 9:59am

:Here is a true story from the word perfect helpine. The employee was fired and is currently suing word perfect fot "temination without cause". This is from the recording

Operator: Ridge Hall, computer assisstance; may I help you?

Caller: Yes, well, I'm having trouble with word perfect.

Operator:what sort of trouble

Caller:Well i was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.

Operator:went away?

Caller: they disappeared

Operator: hmm. So what does your screen look like now?

Caller:Nothing

Operator: Nothing?

Caller: It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.

Operator: are you still in word perfect or did you get out?

Caller: how do I tell?

Operator: Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??

Caller: Whats a sea prompt

Operator: Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen

Caller: There isn't any cursor: I told you it won't accept anything I type

Operator: Does your monitor have a power indicator

Caller: What's a monitor?

Operator: It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light to tell you its on?

Caller: I don't know

Operator: Well then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes. Can you see it?

Caller: Yes I think so

Operator: great, follow the cord to the plug, and tell me it's plugged into the wall

Caller: yes it is

Operator: when you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one

Caller: No

Operator: Well there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable

Caller: Okay here it is

Operator: Follow it for me and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.

Caller: I can't reach

Operator: uh huh well can you see if it is??

Caller: No

Operator: Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??

Caller:oh it's not because I don't have the right angle- it's because it's dark

Operator: dark??

Caller: yes the office light is off, and the only light i have is coming in from the window

Operator: well turn the office light on

Caller: I can't

Operator: No? Why not??

Caller: Because there is a power failure

Operator: A power...a power failure? Aha okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals your computer came in??

Caller: Yes there in the closet

Operator: Good, go get them and unplug your system and take back the computer to the store you brought it from

Caller: Is it really that bad??

Operator: Yes I am afraid it is

Caller: Well all right, what should i tell them

Operator: Tell them you're too f*&king stupid to own a computer 

 

 

 
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49erGBR735HSC View Drop Down
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Posts: 1991 		Post Options Post Options   Quote 49erGBR735HSC Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 Jun 05 at 11:07am

lozza sent us this one, really funny if you know the Glasgow area...

After having their 11th child (Pocahontas Brittany Larson O'Neill), a Glasgow couple decided that was enough because they could not afford a larger bed.  So the husband went to his doc and told him that he and his missus didn't want to have any more children.


The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem, but that it was expensive.

"A less costly alternative," said the doctor, "is to go home, get a firework banger available from most east end corner shops all year round, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10."

The husband said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I canny see how putting a firework in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me".

 

"Trust me," said the doctor.


So the man went home, lit a banger and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count: "1" "2" "3" "4" "5". At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.

This procedure is available on the NHS by the way and works in Govan, Barrachnie, Garthamlock, Clydebank, Parkhead, Caldercruix, Shettleston, Carmyle and Barlanark.

 

 

Still laughing about that one, cheers lozza



Edited by 49erGBR735HSC
Dennis Watson 49er GBR735
Helensburgh S.C
Boat Insurance from Noble Marine

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Black no sugar View Drop Down
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Posts: 3941 		Post Options Post Options   Quote Black no sugar Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 Jul 05 at 7:46pm

To all pretty young girls out there:

Don't pay attention to flash blokes trying to impress you... it usually has painful consequences!

You don't believe granny BnS? SEE THIS!
Lancing SC
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