best funny emails

My wife and I went to the Royal Show and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said,

' THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR'

My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs smiled and said, 'He mated 50 times last year.'

We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said,

'THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR'

My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, 'WOW~~That's more than twice a week! ..........You could learn a lot from him.' We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters,

'THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR'

My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said,

'That's once a day   ..You could REALLY learn something from this one.'

I looked at her and said, 'Go over and ask him if it was with the same old cow.'

.........My condition has been upgraded from critical to stable and I should eventually make a full recovery.

A tourist walked into a Brighton curio/antique shop.After looking around for a while, he noticed a very life-like bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but it was so striking that he decided to buy it anyway. He took it to the owner and said: 'How much is this bronze rat?' The owner replied: 'It's £12 for the rat, and £100 for the story.' The tourist gave the owner his £12 and said: 'I'll just take the rat, You can keep the story.'

As he walked off down the street, he noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the sewers and begun following him. This was a little disconcerting, so he started to walk a little faster,but within a couple of blocks the swarm of rats had grown to hundreds, and they were all squealing and screeching in a very menacing way. He increased his speed & ran on towards the beach, and as he ran, he looked behind him and saw the rats now numbered in their MILLIONS, and they were running faster & faster. By now very concerned, he ran down to the end of the pier and threw the bronze rat far out into the water.Amazingly, the millions of real rats jumped into the water after it and were all drowned. The man walked back to relate all this to the shop owner, who said: 'Ah,you've come back for the story then?' 'No,' said the tourist, 'I came back to see if you've got a bronze Muslim Fundamentalist Cleric, a couple of immigrants, a p**f, and a Man U supporter!'

 

(please don't take offence it is only a joke!)

I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in my cellar and was told by mywife to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, orelse... I said I would and proceeded with the unpleasant task. Iwithdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down thesink with the exception of one glass, which I drank. I then withdrew thecork from the second bottle and did likewise with it, with the exceptionof one glass, which I drank. I then withdrew the cork from the thirdbottle and poured the whiskey down the sink which I drank. I pulled thecork from the fourth bottle down the sink and poured the bottle down theglass, which I drank. I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next anddrank one sink out of it, and threw the rest down the glass. I pulled thesink out of the next glass and poured the cork down the bottle. Then Icorked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink and drank the pour.When I had everything emptied, I steadied the house with one hand, countedthe glasses, corks, bottles, and sinks with the other, which weretwenty-nine, and as the houses came by I counted them again, and finally Ihad all the houses in one bottle, which I drank. I'm not under theaffluence of incohol as some thinkle peep I am. I'm not half as thunk asyou might drink. I fool so feelish I don't know who is me, and thedrunker I stand here, the longer I get.

oh yeah, rocketting rabbit! haha, now i really need to do some revision.

Rocketing rabbit come on