best funny emails

   In the beginning, there was the plan.
And then came the assumptions.
And the assumptions were without form.
And the plan was completely without substance.
The employees told their supervisors: "It's a crock of sh*t and it stinks!"
The supervisors then told the department heads: "It's a pail of dung, and none may abide by the odor."
The department heads then told the managers: "It's a container of excrement, and it is very strong such that none may smell it."
The managers then told the director: "It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide by its strength."
The director then told the VP: "It contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong."
The VP told the Executive-VP: "It promotes growth, and it is very powerful."
The Executive-VP told the President: "It is very strong and will promote growth and efficiency of the system."
And the President reviewed the plan, and said: "This is good."
And the plan became policy.
And this is how sh*t happens.

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Villan Send Private Message Find Member's Posts Visit Member's Homepage Really should get out more Joined: 26 Nov 05 Location: United Kingdom Online Status: Offline Posts: 1768	Post Options Post Reply Quote Villan Report Post Quote Reply Topic: best funny emails Posted: 11 Mar 08 at 8:42pm
	In the beginning, there was the plan. And then came the assumptions. And the assumptions were without form. And the plan was completely without substance. The employees told their supervisors: "It's a crock of sht and it stinks!" The supervisors then told the department heads: "It's a pail of dung, and none may abide by the odor." The department heads then told the managers: "It's a container of excrement, and it is very strong such that none may smell it." The managers then told the director: "It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide by its strength." The director then told the VP: "It contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong." The VP told the Executive-VP: "It promotes growth, and it is very powerful." The Executive-VP told the President: "It is very strong and will promote growth and efficiency of the system." And the President reviewed the plan, and said: "This is good." And the plan became policy. And this is how sht happens.
	Vareo - 149 "Secrets" TandyUK Servers

Splosh Send Private Message Find Member's Posts Far too distracted from work Joined: 13 May 07 Location: United Kingdom Online Status: Offline Posts: 497	Post Options Post Reply Quote Splosh Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 11 Mar 08 at 8:51pm

	RS300 - 346 :D

HannahJ Send Private Message Find Member's Posts Visit Member's Homepage Really should get out more Joined: 23 Jul 05 Location: United Kingdom Online Status: Offline Posts: 861	Post Options Post Reply Quote HannahJ Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 11 Mar 08 at 9:18pm
	exxccceellent, just what's needed in the middle of maths homework... Edited by HannahJ
	MIRROR 64799 "Dolphin" The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist hopes it will change; the realist adjusts the sail

The Moo Send Private Message Find Member's Posts Really should get out more Joined: 01 Jun 06 Online Status: Offline Posts: 809	Post Options Post Reply Quote The Moo Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 14 Mar 08 at 9:01pm
	In a hotel room, Jim Morrison is in one corner with the rest of his band; in another corner are John Lennon, Paul McCartney, George Harrison and Ringo Star - all are naked. Monica Lewinsky walks in, squats seductively in front of Jim Morrison and begins to play the pink oboe. She gives him the presidential treatment then moves on to his guitarist, bassist, then his drummer and the keyboard player. When she's finished, she licks her lips and wanders over to John Lennon and begins to do the same to him. At that moment, there's a huge crash and Michael Caine smashes through a wall in a Mini-Cooper. He jumps out, grabs her by the scruff of the neck and shouts "Oi, you're only supposed to blow the bloody Doors off!""

radixon Send Private Message Find Member's Posts Really should get out more Joined: 27 Oct 06 Location: United Kingdom Online Status: Offline Posts: 2407	Post Options Post Reply Quote radixon Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 14 Mar 08 at 9:14pm


Prince Buster Send Private Message Find Member's Posts Really should get out more Joined: 15 Dec 05 Location: United Kingdom Online Status: Offline Posts: 1146	Post Options Post Reply Quote Prince Buster Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 14 Mar 08 at 9:31pm
	that's so bad lol
	international moth - "what what?"

Villan Send Private Message Find Member's Posts Visit Member's Homepage Really should get out more Joined: 26 Nov 05 Location: United Kingdom Online Status: Offline Posts: 1768	Post Options Post Reply Quote Villan Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 14 Mar 08 at 9:47pm
	Oh deary me!
	Vareo - 149 "Secrets" TandyUK Servers

ratface Send Private Message Find Member's Posts Really should get out more Joined: 07 Apr 07 Location: United Kingdom Online Status: Offline Posts: 686	Post Options Post Reply Quote ratface Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 16 Mar 08 at 9:48pm
	B below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately . OK? Let's find out just how clever you really are.... Ready? GO!!! First Question: You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in? ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are Absolutely! Y wrong! If you overtake the second person, you take his place, so you are second! Now answer the second question, But don't take as much time as you took for the first one, OK ? Second Question: If you overtake the last person, then you are...? ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person? *You're not very good at this, are you?* Third Question: V Very tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it. Take 1000 and add 40 to it.. Now add another 1000 . Now add 30 . Add another 1000 Now add 20 . Now add another 1000 Now add 10 What is the total? ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ Did you get 5000? The correct answer is actually 4100. If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator! Today is definitely not your day, is it? Maybe you'll get the last question right.... .... Maybe. Fourth Question: Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono. What is the ! Name of the fifth daughter? ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ Did you Answer Nunu? *NO!* Of course it isn't. Her name is *Mary.* Read the question again! Okay, now the bonus round: A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By Imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully Expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is Done. Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of Sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants? ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ He just has to open his mouth and ask... It's really very simple.... Like you! PASS TH IS ON TO FRUSTRATE THE *SMART PEOPLE* IN YOUR LIFE
	BLYM Hertfordshire Sailing team Uk-Cherub 2644 Laser 4000 -4089

landlocked Send Private Message Find Member's Posts Far too distracted from work Joined: 06 Oct 06 Location: United Kingdom Online Status: Offline Posts: 222	Post Options Post Reply Quote landlocked Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 16 Mar 08 at 9:57pm
	in the style of Montgommery Burns "egggssellent"
	Cherub 2535 "Eggbert the Nasty" Soon to be for sale PM for Details Cherub 2657 "Slippery When Wet" Don't sail fly Cherub

The Moo Send Private Message Find Member's Posts Really should get out more Joined: 01 Jun 06 Online Status: Offline Posts: 809	Post Options Post Reply Quote The Moo Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 16 Mar 08 at 11:01pm
	The Journey of Man When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend. When I was 16 I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life. In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability. When I was 25 I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement. When I was 28 I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but had no direction. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition. When I turned 31, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned. I am now older and wiser, and am looking for a girl with big t*ts.