best funny emails

the smart people will be thouroughly frustrated, thanks ratface.

(i was frustrated and im not even that smart)

Edited by mike ellis

The Journey of Man

When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend.

When I was 16 I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.

In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.

When I was 25 I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.

When I was 28 I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but had no direction. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.

When I turned 31, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.

I am now older and wiser, and am looking for a girl with big t*ts.

B below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately . OK?


Let's find out just how clever you really are....



Ready? GO!!!



First Question:

You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?

 

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Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are
Absolutely! Y wrong! If you overtake the second person, you take his place, so you are second!


Now answer the second question,
But don't take as much time as you took for the first one, OK ?

Second Question:
If you overtake the last person, then you are...?

 

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Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?


You're not very good at this, are you?

 

Third Question:
V Very tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your head only.
Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.

 

Take 1000 and add 40 to it.. Now add another 1000 . Now add 30 .
Add another 1000 Now add 20 . Now add another 1000
Now add 10 What is the total?




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Did you get 5000?

The correct answer is actually 4100.



If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator!
Today is definitely not your day, is it?
Maybe you'll get the last question right....
.... Maybe.



Fourth Question:

Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono. What is the ! Name of the fifth daughter?




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Did you Answer Nunu?
NO! Of course it isn't.
Her name is Mary. Read the question again!



Okay, now the bonus round:

A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By
Imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully
Expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is
Done.

 

Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of
Sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?

 

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He just has to open his mouth and ask...
It's really very simple.... Like you!

 

  PASS TH IS  ON TO FRUSTRATE THE
SMART PEOPLE   IN YOUR LIFE

that's so bad lol

In a hotel room, Jim Morrison is in one corner with the rest of his band; in another corner are John Lennon, Paul McCartney, George Harrison and Ringo Star - all are naked.

Monica Lewinsky walks in, squats seductively in front of Jim Morrison and begins to play the pink oboe. She gives him the presidential treatment then moves on to his guitarist, bassist, then his drummer and the keyboard player.

When she's finished, she licks her lips and wanders over to John Lennon and begins to do the same to him.

At that moment, there's a huge crash and Michael Caine smashes through a wall in a Mini-Cooper. He jumps out, grabs her by the scruff of the neck and shouts











"Oi, you're only supposed to blow the bloody Doors off!""