New Posts New Posts RSS Feed: best funny emails
  FAQ FAQ  Forum Search   Register Register  Login Login

best funny emails
 Post Reply Post Reply Page  <1 89101112 195>
Author
  Share Topic Share Topic  Topic Search Topic Search  Topic Options Topic Options
Black no sugar View Drop Down
Really should get out more
Really should get out more
Avatar

Joined: 04 Dec 04
Location: Somewhere between Brighton and Lancing
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3941 		Post Options Post Options   Quote Black no sugar Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: best funny emails
    Posted: 04 Mar 05 at 1:22am

Ohh well, since you're around, Blobby, I can't resist this one...

Understanding Engineers - Take Four:
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers? Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.
Lancing SC
Back to Top
Blobby View Drop Down
Really should get out more
Really should get out more
Avatar

Joined: 07 May 04
Location: Australia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 779 		Post Options Post Options   Quote Blobby Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 Mar 05 at 4:01am

Spelling and the frech psyche...

In England and Spain when you are ill you go to the hospital, yet in France it is a Hopital...

Conclusive proof that only frogs hop...

(Apologies for the poor effort - only instant coffee today )
Back to Top
Blobby View Drop Down
Really should get out more
Really should get out more
Avatar

Joined: 07 May 04
Location: Australia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 779 		Post Options Post Options   Quote Blobby Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 Mar 05 at 4:06am

But there are advantages to being an engineer - this is an extract from our job descriptions at my company...

Physical Demands– indicate frequency of exposure:

Limited (monthly/occasional), Regular (weekly/moderate), Extensive (daily/frequent)

 

 

Frequency

Sitting

Extensive

Talking fingering, grasping, hearing, keyboard input, seeing, writing

Regular

Ability to exert up to 20 pounds of force occasionally, up to 10 pounds of force frequently, or a negligible amount of force constantly to lift, carry, push, pull, or move objects.

Limited

Reaching, climbing, balancing, kneeling, stooping, crouching, walking, standing for extended periods of time, crawling, pulling, lifting, pushing, carrying, and driving.

Regular

 

I am required to carry out regular fingering and grasping - way hey!!!!!!

Back to Top
Contender443 View Drop Down
Really should get out more
Really should get out more
Avatar

Joined: 01 Oct 04
Location: United Kingdom
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1211 		Post Options Post Options   Quote Contender443 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 Mar 05 at 8:26am

Best of British
 
Be very proud to be British Because:

Only in Britain... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in Britain... do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in Britain... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a DIET coke.

Only in Britain... do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.

Only in Britain... do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

Only in Britain... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

Only in Britain... are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.

NOT TO MENTION...

3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.

58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.

31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.

19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.

British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling accidents.

101 people since 1999 have had broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of the soles of their feet.

18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.

A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth.

8 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out of control Scalextric cars.

And finally.........

In 2000 eight Brits cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the toilet.

 

RULE BRITANNIA!!
Bonnie Lass Contender 1764
Back to Top
Black no sugar View Drop Down
Really should get out more
Really should get out more
Avatar

Joined: 04 Dec 04
Location: Somewhere between Brighton and Lancing
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3941 		Post Options Post Options   Quote Black no sugar Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 Mar 05 at 12:18pm
Talking about hôpital:
 
Jim and Mary were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Mary suddenly jumped into the deep end. She sunk to the bottom and stayed there. Jim promptly jumped in to save her. He swam to the bottom and pulled Mary out.
When the medical director became aware of Jim's heroic act, he immediately ordered him to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered him to be mentally stable. When he went to tell Jim the news he said, "Jim, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses. The bad news is, Mary, the patient you saved, hung herself with her dressing gown belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but she's dead." Jim replied, "She didn't hang herself. I put her there to dry."
Lancing SC
Back to Top
stuarthop View Drop Down
Really should get out more
Really should get out more


Joined: 22 Dec 04
Location: Nottingham
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1040 		Post Options Post Options   Quote stuarthop Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 Mar 05 at 12:58pm

Back to Top
Black no sugar View Drop Down
Really should get out more
Really should get out more
Avatar

Joined: 04 Dec 04
Location: Somewhere between Brighton and Lancing
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3941 		Post Options Post Options   Quote Black no sugar Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 Mar 05 at 12:24am

Yipeee it's the weekend!

Here's another engineer joke, especially selected for Blobby (he won't see it til Monday  )

Understanding Engineers - Take Five:
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections. " The last one said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
Lancing SC
Back to Top
KnightMare View Drop Down
Really should get out more
Really should get out more


Joined: 08 Feb 05
Location: United Kingdom
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1682 		Post Options Post Options   Quote KnightMare Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 Mar 05 at 12:30am
lol
Back to Top
Black no sugar View Drop Down
Really should get out more
Really should get out more
Avatar

Joined: 04 Dec 04
Location: Somewhere between Brighton and Lancing
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3941 		Post Options Post Options   Quote Black no sugar Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 Mar 05 at 12:40am

What are you doing here at this time of night?? You're going to be shattered tomorrow!!

Night night Knightmare, see you tomorrow

Lancing SC
Back to Top
Jamie View Drop Down
Posting king
Posting king
Avatar

Joined: 12 Jul 04
Location: United Kingdom
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 164 		Post Options Post Options   Quote Jamie Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 Mar 05 at 3:42am
The main difference between Engineers and Mechanics is that they have different criteria for deciding what size hammer to use and how hard to hit the target in question.
GBR Flying Dutchman
Back to Top
 Post Reply Post Reply Page  <1 89101112 195>

Forum Jump Forum Permissions View Drop Down

Bulletin Board Software by Web Wiz Forums® version 9.665y
Copyright ©2001-2010 Web Wiz
Change your personal settings, or read our privacy policy