Quotable Quotes - Sailing

no really a quot but a laugh,

Getting ready for the new season?
Need a training guide?

Try this?

PRESEASON REFRESHER COURSE:

To best prepare yourself for the sailing season try these quick exercises:
1. Buy a case of beer, sit with it in a very warm place for a few hours,
then drink it.
2. Apply sunscreen to your face in streaks and sit in front of a sun lamp
for 2 hours.
3. Sit on a bench with large metal fixtures cutting into your legs, stare
straight up into the sun for two hours - for a more robust workout: invite 
friends to come over and yell at you the whole time.         & nbsp;         & nbsp;         & nbsp;         & nbsp;  4. Go out and get
very drunk, sleep 4 hours, then stand on a rocking chair for 6 hours.
5. Go to bank and withdraw $1,000 - then light it on fire.
6. Sit in front of a commercial fan and have someone throw large buckets of
salt water on you.
7. Repeat number 6 in jeans and a sweatshirt and /or repeat number 6 with
head turned sideways to ensure water lodging fully into ear drum.
8. Cut limb off nearby tree, tie ropes to it, stand on rocking chair with
tree limb and ropes - hold them over your head for 3 hours... at 5 minute
intervals drop on your head - more robust version: have friends yell at you
in 6 minute intervals.
9. Set your wrist watch to 5-minute repeating counts ... let it go off all
day long.
10. Pour cold water in your lap and give yourself a wedgie, now alternate
between sitting and running around bent over.
11. Tie ropes between 2 trees - push your body against them as hard as you
can for 6 consecutive hours - don't stop for pain or bruising.
12. Place sandpaper on your stairs, crawl up and down on your knees for
several hours.
13. Make 12 sandwiches on white bread with bad meat and cram them into a
bread bag - eat one a day for 12 consecutive days... make sure the last one
is peanut butter and jelly if preparing for Race Week.
14. Tie ropes to rear bumper of friend's car, hold on tightly, but allow
rope to slip through fingers as car drives away - TIP: works best with
nylon fiber ropes, lengths in excess of 50'.
15. Upon completion of previous 14 drills - sit down and drink 14 Mt Gay
rum drinks, any flavor.