Dear Dave

Dear Dave,
Ive noticed that Ive unwittingly decided to go to a gig with a singer who describes himself as 'Folk/Acoustic/Country'

Should I feel worried about my musical ethics colapsing around me?

Regards,

I find it hard to consider that exact senario, since someone with my natural wit charm and repartee never needs to dine alone, or has the girlies feeling sorry for me.  I have however given the situation the benefit of my generous problem solving skills. There are two appropriate responses.

Go to the bogs and nip out through the window, ie do a bunk. She thinks you are a loser with no personality, thats why you are on your own, so the restaurant does not deserve your hard earned cash.

Order your food, just before you are full ask her if she fancies a shag, if she says yes then result, if she takes offence you will get thrown out, but you will already have eaten most of your food and get the meal for free.

I would suggest that you / your friend avoid talking to checkout girls while your / his wife / bird is present. 

Use this simple technique that I have been using successfully for the last thirteen years of marriage.

Don't go food shopping, go to the pub or just laze about indoors while your / his wife / bint does the food shopping.

If you / he are ever left to your own devices (she has gone to stay at her mothers for a few days) then and only then should you go into a supermarket.  And only then because there is always an offer on for beer and you can get ready meals for one (make sure you buy at least two because they are very small). Then you can (try to chat up) be polite to the checkout girl.

 

Of course it was! I'm sure that friend was only trying to be friendly and share with the young, smiling checkout girl his passion for French literature... Victor Hugo, Molière, Racine.... and the best: Gotlib!

 

It would appear C443 that it is your own fault. 

I had a lovely steak for my tea. Judging by the look on her face my wife really enjoyed her extra large portion too.

However all is not lost.

Get your meat ready and then serve it up to BNS later this evening.

If this fails then unless you are prepared to do lots of groveling (and what self respecting married man isn't) you will have to wait until March 2007 for your treat.