The Merlin Rocket

Having been on the receiving end of GRFs ramblings on more occasions than I care to remember I have never felt the need to fuel his anger, but that last post was brilliant. Furthermore every word is true, and I should know 'cos I was in the boat with him. The upside of course is that he now knows, first hand, that the Merlin PY is not that generous after all

So, last night was episode 2 and very probably the finale in my Merlin Adventures, this time the crew is away and the helm rings me up to see if I fancy a go and given it's the last night of the Thursday series and a sunny day I eagerly agreed thinking well this should be a laugh.

So I get down there early trying to be a good Merlin crew, to get the cover off prepare the boat have the coffee on, a freshly ironed copy of the Times, and a coat stand handy to take off his cape and of course a vat of alcohol for him to dive into when we finish.

So us both being helms the preparation didn't exactly speed along and instead of the half hour pre race run down that I'd hoped for by the time we'd pieced all the bits together the course was laid and other boats were already out there.

If you're reading this and don't know anything about Merlins are not at least six foot tall and have had considerable experience in other symmetric boats then my best advice to you is never ever ever think about it, particularly not on an evening such as this with a brisk 4-5 gusty East North East even with a competent helm.

It all started off well enough in an ignorance is bliss kind of way, then the instruction began as to how to put the kite up. Kites in my world have always been delightfully simple things, given my assym history, MPS,L3K,RS500,RS100,V-TWIN,ALTO, generally you just pull one bit of string gripping the wiggle stick with your knees and up it goes, then you grab another to sheet in and away you go.. not so with the Merkin (I now call it a Merkin after a phone typing error in a facebook comment I made just as i realised how windy it was) The only saving grace being folk saying 'what were you up to tonight' and I could say oh I was out in the Merk, it sounds much cooler, than the actual fact which was wrestling with a snake in a box of frogs, sat on a bar stool with no footrest, p1ssed, with an earthquake happening.

There are not one but two pole things, you have to actually stand up then shove them out with the kite flagging about, clip them onto a loop thing miles up in the air about as far up as a normal height person like me can reach on tip toe, then you have to go the wrong (lee side) haul in one rope then the other side and haul that in, I actually found it better to go the windward side 1st but that's not the way i was instructed, then again the instructor is a helm himself and he had other things on his mind like keeping the sticky up bit pointing to the sky.

So with all the kite practise over we came up to the line, the wrong end in the circumstances, it was a typical Hythe Early evening easterly, two winds, stronger and Easterly out to sea, but with a disadvantageous tide and lighter but more favorable shifts near the shore gusting quite strongly, so we elected to play it cautious start on starboard rather than do the Port Flyer that the usual front running suspects chose. We also carried on behind them to get inside the shift and gain back some ground as we headed up wind, the first tack in anger went sort of OK, I managed to find some footing and launched myself up the side and took the jib rope with me and the other side was uncleated. Now the jib ropes, they're not normal, they sort of dive down to the floor then up again with some woman called barbara hauliing on them to pull you back into the bottom of the boat at every opportunity. You can see why Merlin folk get p1ssed so often, the stress is off the scale.
We round fourth the reach is tight and the tides pushing down so no kite, the RS100 is fully kited and roaring away, the Contender I swear was grinning from ear to ear and flashing us the bird as he hit the horizon, lucky lucky lucky I'm thinking, no kite to have to gybe, but it's still rock n rolling up on the side one minute pitched into space the next crashing down in the scuppers a second later as it pitches and roles the waves knock it all over the shop. We gybe, it's easy probably the easiest part of the entire horror story, I'm beginning to enjoy it in a kind fifty shades of grey bondage way as I get back up toes in the loop which is almost level with the sides my backside bouncing over the waves as I start calling the waves to bear off and surf which we could only do sparingly due to the tide and another tight reach, this course is way to short, Contender man has been bribing the rescue boat course layers again.
My man is now calling for more kicker oh and he'd called for the plate to be moved which is a nightmare since I couldn't figure out which way to pull the bloody rope, then trying to find the kicker rope, both of which were red, then I had to pull another one with a plastic handle, the crew does everything in this boat as I think I observed when I back ended it last time, let no one say the crew isn't the most important part of the Merkin.
At this point we're still in the race, about to round at the end of the second beat, then I f**k up, didn't uncleat one side as I went over in a tack and made the stupid error of going back for it, result loads of water comes in we fill up and stall for ages. At 65 kgs I'm not much use even when I'm out there, but not being there at all was fatal, we're now playing catch up and it's the run, the first kite episode.
Surprisingly I'd remembered the sequence both sheets un cleated hoist pole out cleat pole then sheet it worked, but within moment we had to drop the course was so short and the wind so brisk, the drop took me longer and I screwed it up we went way down beyond the mark as I struggled to unwind pole ropes from sheets and get the thing away, but having made the mistake the rest of the evening I got the drops OK, but we were out of the running now and the rest of the race was just sailing pretty much alone, no heat of the action which does heighten the pleasure. It's the end of the season everyone is race fit, no prisoners get taken on nights like this, although I did notice a couple of capsizes, one of our better laser guys went over, so did the 500 and the RS100 wasn't having it all his own way, it was only down to our helm being competent that we didn't go over, nothing to do with me, I'm officially incompetent crew and that's a fact.
The competitor in me was disappointed we didn't do better, but we got it round racing I learned never to ever go near a symmetric kite again and had a bloody entertaining evening, it was immense fun, which culminated in being guess where... the bar, then counselling, then ambulancechasers r us to see about suing for stress, I'm wondering who, the Merlin Class Association? RYA? Or the Merlin crew himself for taking himself off on vacation in New York.
Someone should be made to pay, I broke a nail and have wire burns I can see why he wears gloves..

I now consider my sailing education complete, I can totally see why they attract the top guys, it's an immensely action packed race machine, so much to do, so little time and so responsive, if I'd been a sailor all my time I would have one, no doubt about it, but I"m not, I have no auto response and am still even these eight years later, pretty clueless when it comes to multiple ropes and anyway I'm far too light, far too short, far too pretty and far too sober for Merkins just yet, but I totally get it.

However it's not going to stop me taking the piss out of the Bandits.

Edited by iGRF - 11 Sep 15 at 10:38am

So, to recap, having posted that thinking there might be internet access in the far Northern reaches of Mordor where I had to attend a Kite World Cup, there wasn't and now so much has happened I've almost completely forgotten the jolly old Merlin experience, which fun as it was, was fun in the way Steam Enthusiasts enjoy nurturing those antique machines.

Would I buy one? Not if it was the last boat on earth, would I sail it again, yes definitely if he needs a helm tomorrow or at the weekend, I'd happily have another go, if only for the curiosity factor and we all know what that did to the cat.

But this sort of thing is OK for all you die hard ex squaddies, it's absolutely no use and has no place in the modern world, it's classic elitism, in accessible and too difficult to bother with anyway, they (Merlin Owners) should all be kept from the public view except to maybe dust them off, detox them and put them on show on high days and holidays under the heading 'The way things were..'

Edited by iGRF - 26 Aug 15 at 7:27pm

He's already mentioned the 'silly' kite if by that you mean an asymmetric? He does not realise that this was trialled and dismissed by the class in the early 90s.

If he wants one of those then he'd better move to a RS400 which is a Merlin design hull from the 80s coupled with an asymetric, poker and battened main but without the carbon.

That's all very well but what has happened to the video of this epic feat that we were promised? Until we see it, the conversion is difficult to believe!