Gratuitous showing off....

I am very modest, the most modest man I know, but do have some words I would like to share with you.

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Kenyan refugees. I write award winning operas and manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for 3 days in a row.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed and I cook 30 minute brownies in 20 minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love and an outlaw in Peru. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I had trials with Manchester United, I am the subject of numerous documentaries.

When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my garden, I enjoy urban hang-gliding. On Wednesdays, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst and a ruthless bookie.

Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of futuristic evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen yet I receive fan mail. I have appeared on Through The Keyhole and won the gold plaque. Last Summer I toured Eastern Europe with a travelling centrifugal force demonstration. I run the 100m in 9.65 seconds. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles.

Children trust me.

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for MI5. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Chechnya, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down.

I have made extraordinary four course meals using only some vegetables and a Breville Toaster. I breed prize winning clams.

I have won bullfights in Madrid, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, chess competitions at the Kremlin, and the Cherub nationals six times. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery and I have spoken with Elvis. ( both before and after he died ).

Oh! Mr Wight, lead us! Cast off the quagmire of mundane existence and take us forward towards a blue sunlit horizon, we will follow you to a new future!

(By the way, whle were at it. Do you have any carbon off cuts kicking around)

He also has the most mesmerising avatar - apart from BigWaveDave obviously. 

Edited by ellistine - 24 Aug 12 at 11:08am

Have sailed: Cowes Week, Cork Week, Kinsale Week x2, Spi Ouest, Copa Del Rey, Antigua Week, Tarbert Scottish Series x2, Keelboat Week, + other's I've forgotten

Edited by sailpics - 24 Aug 12 at 11:20am

Originally posted by Ruscoe I'm Richard Branson....