Dear Dave

Pushing your luck there Blobby with three questions in one but I am here to help.

Whatever you do DO NOT BUILD A CHERUB IN YOUR LIVING ROOM.  I cannot express this strongly enough.  Build it in the bedroom.  You will find the bed an ideal working platform.  Also if you build it in the living room you will not be able to see the television properly.  Once your new arrival is here your wife will spend most of her time in the nursery and you will be left to sleep in peace on the sofa, so no need for the bedroom, in fact she won't want you anywhere near her in the bedroom once she has given birth.

A chinese takeaway and bunch of flowers from a garage forecourt is not suitable compensation.

When my wife last attacked me with a rusty blade I would accept no less than four cans of lager, a large bowl of jellied eels and a subscription to my favourite porn mag as compensation. Stand firm and do not let her get away with anything less.

Sorry but I am too busy solving serious problems.  Don't worry about your college assignments.  By the time you have spent more time with your girlfriend she will find out what you are really like.  She will realise that she does not want a relationship with you and dump you. 

You will then have plenty of time to do your own assignments.

I hope this puts your mind at rest.

Thank you for the response.  Glad to be of service.

NEXT!

Yes I have heard of your condition, infact it is quite a famous trait of yours in the sailing fraternity.

Unfortunately there is no operation available.  I would suggest that you wrap your overlarge ears around your huge head so as not to alarm people.

Maybe you could clarify your affliction for me.  Is the big head you have a large zit?  If so the treatment is easy.

Girls love busting zits, so just ask any available girl for a bit of a squeeze.

If you do succeed in reducing the size of your head then remember that you will be aerodynamically faster upwind due to reduced drag, but slower downwind due to decreased surface area.