OK I'll go first.  Once upon a time when I was new to sailing I had a Scorpion.  It was way too fast for me and a bit of a handfull.  The Commodore had launched his brand new, hand built Signet that day.  I remember remarking on its beauty in the dinghy park.  Lovely striped sepele decks with a nice laminated gunwhale of beech or sycamore capped with mahogany so that you had a contrasting strip of light wood in amongst the red of the dark mahogany.  It gleamed with varnish so shiney it was hard to believe.  Apparently he had varnished it upside down, hanging in his garage so that no dust could settle on it.

I don't think we were even racing and as my bow went up a wave I collided with him.  My bow being higher splintered his gunwhale and rode up over his foredeck pushing a deep groove across it and puncturing it in places.  I felt bad but was convinced I was on starboard (the boom being on the starboard side)!  When I got ashore he, (very gracefully considering) pointed out that he was on starboard and I was on port.  If I could have melted through the floor I would have.

Still every cloud has a silver lining - my boat wasn't damaged!

ooooo both sound quite bad. luckly i havent had many very embarrassing moments apart from the ussual capsizing on the last tack of the race and lossing all the ground you have been working to gain.

have you still got that photo cus that could be quite funny.

Mine was when i was out on a windy day in a fireball and i slipped on the wire so kicked the helm out the back and i had to try and do a man over board helming form the wire !

And i only weigh 9 stone

Mine was much like sailor girls... thinking my feet were under the toe straps and hiking out, unfortunately i had already heeled quite a bit and so fell into the water with a big splash. the boat carried on sailign for a bit unmanned, but luckily i had kept hold of the main and tiller, and it capsized after a few metres so i could climb back in. i wasnt racing so no one saw, but i have had it where i capsize right at the last moment of a race, when ive been at thetop, and lose about 5 positions. not so great or funny!

Tasar Nationals in '98 - winner of the Plonker award for sailing the whole race with the dagger board in back to front...

Sorry - obvious fabrication...

HELMS DON"T RUN!!! (And if you see some of them trying it please shoot them at once, we can't let these bad habits start creeping in to our gentlemans sport!)

ugh, picos.

Last time I sailed one was on my dinghy instructors course, in about a F6 I managed to pitchpole the thing.  While heading upwind, probably because I am far to big (a Finn would be more my boat) for a pico and was sitting forward in waves.

Right in front of Plas Menai at lunch time.

I remember just finding myself with my back in the water and my feet still in the toe straps, looking at the highest point of the boat which was now the rudder. I had enough time to think - "well this isn't right - @&$* "

Ho ho ho,

Here are mine, new club, new (to me 505) and new crew who I'm teaching to trapese.  Nice screaming reach towards the club house, the crewe gets nervous "we should tack" she shouts, "Nonsense!" says I "we can get nearer and show off!".  Wherupon I smack it aground, the whole rudder out of the water, crew all the way round the front, nice centreboard kind of ground down.  Whoops.

When we came in a nice bloke came up, "New to the club, it's great to see a 5-oh out again, oh, you'll notice it's shallow near the clubhouse!".

Second one, beating up the first erm, beat having started badly and ended up in amongst the solos (messing about on shore when the start signal went!), I was steaming along on starboard and this solo was on port.  I didn't shout until I was sure he'd screw up his position, then I screamed my head off, I was convinced it was a mate of mine so as he tacked off I shouted "Ha ha Gotcha!".  Turned out to be a commitee member reknowned for his lack of humour!  Oh well...

How about.....F4-5 in a Buzz......I was crewing, boat was rounding the mark...went into the boat instead of riding over the top of the mark....as i went back out on the trapeze, forgot to check my trapeze hook!

Fell off the trapeze, and later found myself in hospital with a broken finger and in doing so put myself out of sailing for 5 months!

My helm still finds it highly amusing 2 remind me of that little incident

I was OOD, aged about 14 completely on my own to do the horn, flags and check that everyone was clear of the line. We had a simple 6, 3, Go system at the time, but I got my sums wrong and did the 3 signal at 4 minutes before the start! I realised this about 3 minutes later because I went to do the Go and it wasn't the start time yet. I did the start at the correct time anyway and let them go off up the beat, then I pannicked and did a general recall followed immediately by the 3. Unfortuneatly half the fleet didn't make it back in time... oops.

I had the handicap results worked out in double quick time and left sharpish. Strangely, I never got asked to stand in for anyone from that day on and decided I'd swap to go in the safety boat if at all possible.

Of course i don't have anything stupid ive done... but one of my clumsy mates has done these:

• Elton SC: going down stairs from mens changing rooms, he jumps up to swing on a window ledge with wet gloves on... slips and lands flat on his back and slides down 2 flights of stairs
• Tries to whip me with his rash vest in L&L changing rooms, slips as he swings and falls on his arse againand lands in a huge puddle!
• Football bouncing on curb in car park, he goees to kick it but his foot gives way underneath him and he lands on his back in really thick mud!

And thats just at sailing clubs, I also go to the same school as him and hes even worse there lol...

definately not me lol- if you met him you'd realise!

I was standing on a bench trying to get a wet stubborn wetsuit on again and ended up flying off the bench into another bech and knocking off lots of sailing bags............ oops 

I was teaching adults Level 1. We'd been out in Wayfarers for a couple of days and there was one guy who was REALLY full of himself.

I put him in a Laser for the final afternoon and was p*ssing myself laughing as the afternoon progressed and he kept capsizing & turning turtle.

Not so funny when I'd towed him in and tried to get the boat on to the trolley. The boat was a tad heavy and there was a curious round hole in the back where the bung should have been. I had a bit of a red face when I had to explain to him that his appalling sailing had been my fault  

I was teaching Level 1 Adults in wayfarers and we were doing tacking practice in a bit sheltered water neer the pontoons of a marina, the student helming gets a bit confused and pulls the tiller towards him, gybes and then executes a brilliant comming alongside manuver when the mainsheet catches on a cleat and stops us with the boat pointing downwind hard against the pontoon.

I confidently hop out of the boat onto the pontoon with the idea of unhooking the mainsheet and getting back into the boat and sailing off. Unfortunatly once the mainsheet is unhooked the boat starts sailing down wind with the boom over the pontoon. I can see that if I did get back into the boat the mainsheet would hook over the last cleat on the end of the pontoon and we would be stuck again.

The only option I have left is to calmly walk to the end of the pontoon holding the mainsheet and jump into the water, from the water I could instruct the student to sail the boat away from the other pontoons and back into open water, with me being towed behind. I eventualy managed to climb back into the wayfarer and we finished the days sesion.

On returning to the center at the end of the day I was greeted by a completely dead pan center principle telling me "You are not supposed to get out of the boat on a level one course!"

how about; running late for the start, went to launch my boat, pushing it along in the mud and i slip, feet go backwards, head forwards and i land on the foredeck, had a really attractive black eye and a lot of abuse from my mates for that, and i hadn't even got in the boat!

Now we want to see the pics!    

Links to your club, pretty pretty pleeeeeeaase??

hmm embarassing sailing stories, if you dont have them then you CANT call yourself a sailer!

The best story I've got didnt actually hapen to me but to a couple of friends I was coaching.  It was in a topaz tres (please dont buy one!!) which have an open transom.  Crew was on wire and helm falls out of back with mainsheet round her foot, this causes main sheeting in, boat accelerating and planing.  Crew thinking her helms doing a great job unitll she turns round to see her being dragged by her foot at a good 15knts. all the instructors had a good laugh at them and they havent lived it down yet

Love the run at Mudeford - especially in a 4 - 5 in Laser 2 with the kite up going against the current...

Very good idea i must say, My friends did a similar but slightly more nasty one at the world that they were at. They used to do two boat timed runs, one from each end of the start line and the other countries started to pick up onthis so they used to intentionaly fix the outcomes on most of them so that others watching would pick the wrong end.

And my most embarsing moment... wel ther have been lots but the funniest was when i sailed a friends lark and capsized but wasnt used to a metal centerplate and decided to accidentaly use it as a spring board, we (me, my crew and the rescue crew) were laughing so hard that we couldnt get the boat up!!!

Yeh goin back and readin all of those makes me think of some realy amusing ones, (hehe this is where i start to embaras my m8s)

1) Cadet Europeans, CZECH REP. my friend un packed his boat and found out that he had left his rudder all the way back in summy essex!!!!!! still hasnt lived that one down.  

2).. the usual leaving kit at events I think i have left 2 cadet covers at ONE event!!! thats some good going..

3) One realy bad set of fotos, i had not rigged my spini properly so got my novice crew to helm and untied the haliard, then proceded to stand on the fore deck facing backwards holding onto the mast, with the haliard in my hand above my head,, all this time the crew kept moving the tiller and nearly throwing me in. Also the angle the photos were taken at it looks slightly like pole dancing, so they decided to put them up on the wall for everyone to see......

were they having a joke about the illegal propulsion or deadly serious?

nice one!

I remember back in my topper days sailing in an open down in portland, i'd drifted down the pack due to choas on start line and having to do numerous penalties (not even deserved - but thats another story).  Came round top mark and started working out best route to next mark (dont often sail with tides) and i failed to spot the 18 charging at me.  A few seconds before impact we both notice each other, try avoidance tactics, both capsize and wrap our rigs together.  They guys were rather peed off to say the least!

Fairly recent this one - decided to take part in a Winter series at another club in my Laser 4000 but the only crew I could get was larger than my regular crews.

Having sailed the boat with the racks half out for 3 years, I then had to set them all the way in. On our first practice sail at our club, we were a bit late for the start, there were less than 5 minutes to go and after a few bungled attemps to launch in a bit of surf, we left the shore standing up.

I then sheeted in, and proceeded to sit down. However, the rack was no longer where my subconcious thought it was, and I missed the toe straps falling straight over the side! 

Having had toe straps break on me several times in the past, I seemed to have developed a penchant for holding onto tiller extensions as if my life depended on it.

So for one or two seconds, I had my back in the water, my legs up in the air with the boat heeling over above me, and the tiller extension bent over the side --- then snap! It broke, leaving me thrashing about in the water trying to catch up with the boat (it wasn't that windy) and the rest of the fleet starting (with one or two rather loud laughs)!!

Oh ouch..... quite amusing for other ppl.

just remebered a rather amusing boyancy test I once did, normal Btest etc but sat onthe boats side whilst it was capsized n whent he tiome was up my dad, standing on shore holding end of my mast. let go and I went flying............ I ended up sitting on the bottom of the lake   

Toay- demonstrating heavy air downwind sailing to other juniors, thought it was going really well (they seemed impressed), untill i was showing how stable sailing by the lee was, when a winshift came and wham i deathrolled!

in the laser at falmouth week last year. starboard end start, perfect, to windward of the fleet. a gust comes along, i hike out and then BANG!!! the knot i had tied in the outhaul came undone and i went backwards into the water, pulling the boat with me. the rest of the fleet sailed on, some of them so helpless with laughter, they hit each other and had to take penalties.

the result ; retiring and having to ask for help to return to the shore. ill never muck up the knot again!

The other day we were mucking about and we were 2 up in the Topper's and I stood up to grab the boom strop (Topper centre main thingy) and the kid helming gybed the boat accidently!

Because it was windy and had previously been hiked out i still had one foot in the centre toe strap and as the boat gybed i got kncked out but it REALLY hurt cos my foot was still iun the boat and he was dragging me along with me nearly drowning becaause i was laughing and swallowing water !

ouch

I was sailing at the scorpion nationals bout 15 years ago in about a force 6-7 . Off downwind we went. everything going brilliantly. surfing the waves. got to the bottom of the course with a gybe and then a reach section. the helm executed the gybe perfectley and off we go. I got the spini sorted and sit down to start playing it. I can only assume that the helm is tightening up to overtake the boats in front But its windy and the spinni is taking a lot of effort .the helms still tightening up and its getting too tight for the spinni. hang on i think. I turned round and theres no helm.so I stops the boat drops the spinni and race back towards the gybe mark only to see My helm riding in a rib screaming his head off at me.

Funny really.

I remember when I was young & foolish I had a bit of a crush on one of the sailing instructors at Seaton Barracks in Plymouth .

We were down there one day mucking about in their bosuns and he offered to take us out in the BRAND NEW hobie. I drew the short straw and had to drive the rescue boat while he took a friend of mine out first. They were having a great time, cruising along at high speed when he persuaded her to turn round and pose for a photo. All was looking good until a gust came, the boat sped up and the leward hull smacked into one of the huge red chanel markers with a resounding CLANG.

Luckily no-one was actually hurt, but his ego was severely dented (as was his pay-packet) and I didn't fancy him quite so much after I'd had to rescue him   

Here what happened to Emma, one of our Junior sailors when she tried out the new centremain on her friend Ben's Topper... He'd only spent 3 hours fitting it that morning - and it was Ben's birthday!! Poor girl was SOOOO embarrassed.... Ben found the whole adventure quite hilarious!  

Whoa thats tight !

It doesnt look that windy.........was it?

Wow i havent seen a sail like that for ages

It wasn't really windy that day. Unfortunate circumstances happened. I think this boat capsized, the other Topper nearly went too, its mainsheet got tangled around the mast and.... SNAP!

As for the sail, yep, it's an old one. But you haven't seen mine: it's a red, orange and white job, dating back to the 80s! I wonder why I want to change it... 

One of our newer members had just bought themselves an immaculate second-hand B14, but previously they'd only really sailed Hobie cats. 

So one of our more experienced sailors on a windy day, offered to help them by out by helming it - and it came back looking like this!

do laser mast's snap regualy?