Banter: It Pays to Listen .......

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It Pays to Listen .......

Printed From: Yachts and Yachting Online
Category: General
Forum Name: Banter
Forum Discription: For all those non-sailing related discussions
URL: http://www.yachtsandyachting.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=1374
Printed Date: 15 Aug 25 at 6:57pm
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Topic: It Pays to Listen .......

Posted By: Phat Bouy
Subject: It Pays to Listen .......
Date Posted: 14 Jan 06 at 6:10pm

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgery. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his Stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, your pet has passed away most likely bird flu." The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I'm sure. The duck is dead," he replied." How can you be so sure", she protested. "I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something." The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room.

He returned a few moments later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog and took it out and returned a few moments later with a beautiful cat. The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed the bird from its beak to its tail and back again. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly, jumped down and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck." Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. 300 pounds!" she cried. "300 pounds just to tell me my duck is dead?!!" The vet shrugged. "I'm sorry. If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would have been 50 pounds, but what with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it all adds up.!!!!!

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Je suis Marxiste - tendance Groucho

Replies:

Posted By: Isis
Date Posted: 14 Jan 06 at 6:26pm

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Posted By: bigwavedave
Date Posted: 14 Jan 06 at 6:53pm

No offence intended BNS.

4 people in the carriage of a train - an Englishman, a pretty young blonde girl, an ugly old woman and a Frenchman.

It all goes dark when the train goes through a tunnel. In the dark there's the sound of an almighty slap, and when the train emerges from the tunnel the Frenchman is rubbing his face, and there's a huge red mark on his cheek.

The old lady thinks "I bet that Frenchman fondled the blonde in the dark and she slapped him"

The pretty young blonde thinks " I bet the Frenchman tried to fondle me in the dark, got the old lady by mistake, and she hit him"

The Frenchman thinks "I bet that Englishman fondled the blonde in the dark, but the blonde thought it was me and hit me"

The Englishman thinks "I hope there's another tunnel coming up soon so I can slap that French bloke again"

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Posted By: les5269
Date Posted: 14 Jan 06 at 6:58pm

Definately no offense BnS

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49er 531 & 5000 5025 and a mirror(now gone to mirror heaven)!

http://www.grafham.org/" rel="nofollow - Grafham water Sailing Club The greatest inland sailing in the country

Posted By: Isis
Date Posted: 14 Jan 06 at 7:40pm

LMFAO!!

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Posted By: Black no sugar
Date Posted: 15 Jan 06 at 1:02am

I don't take offense, guys, because we've got the same joke in France, where the Englishman gets the slap! No love lost there...

Now, this is especially for Scoob, our notorious petrol-head. This might be an improvement to your 4-wheeled darling:

http://uk.rd.yahoo.com/oa/*http://uk.download.yahoo.com/pr/fu/oa/future.wmv - http://uk.rd.yahoo.com/oa/*http://uk.download.yahoo.com/pr/f u/oa/future.wmv

I want one!

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http://www.lancingsc.org.uk/index.html - Lancing SC

Posted By: les5269
Date Posted: 15 Jan 06 at 8:07am

Glad to see we all think the same in europe

Do you think they'll make a boat like that

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49er 531 & 5000 5025 and a mirror(now gone to mirror heaven)!

http://www.grafham.org/" rel="nofollow - Grafham water Sailing Club The greatest inland sailing in the country

Posted By: bigwavedave
Date Posted: 15 Jan 06 at 9:35am

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Posted By: Black no sugar
Date Posted: 15 Jan 06 at 10:11am

Thank you