Phantom Nationals 2017 "Eaters & Drinkers"

by Phil Longley, Chris Roberts & Ben Hawkes 25 Aug 2017 15:00 BST 8-10 September 2017

Phantom at Highcliffe in 2007 © Ian Jay

With the 2017 Phantom Nationals at Highcliffe Sailing Club rapidly approaching on 8th, 9th and 10th Sept and with 59 confirmed entries to date preparing to descend on the South coast venue its time to meet the eaters and drinkers.

Other classes may call it "Runners and Riders" but we cannot start with such a massive lie - as everyone knows fat blokes don't run.

Harry Briddon - Last years national champion makes a return to the fleet and at 20 years old and 20 stone of pure muscle he is the epitome of the Phantom sailor. His physical fitness puts him right near at top, however, a few funny rums might knock off that shine. Almost odds on for back to back titles.
Andy Couch – Returning to the Phantom after a few quiet years there is a very very small possibility he might appear human, and not disappear over the horizon, the few events he has attended appear to say otherwise. With the installation of his new bionic pie eating arm he might be a formidable force both on and now off the water.
Will Gulliver – Rumours abound 'Nico' might be coming out of retirement, but after seeing the list of competitors he has recently been making excuses about a sore knee, but we all think he needs to pull his finger out, pull on his big boy trousers and show us his one nationals win wasn't a fluke. Very similar to his German name sake.
Ben Falat – What can be said about Ben? Having seen the light it has been great to have Caps Lock back in full multi-colour. We look forward to having him back with a tirade of Shakespearesque funny words and a look that says I'm going to sue you. Good luck to a jolly nice chap.
Simon Hawkes – With a brand new boat, some experimental rope ideas and a custom made sail the venerable carrot muncher will be right up in the fleet - or found swearing at a mainsheet that's got caught around the gunnel for the 30th time today Laser style. The thinking mans choice for a surprise result.
Nick Mason – the retired ex Mi6 chief superintendent has been spending most of his time lazing around the countryside. Will he be able to convert this into a decent result, only the size of the brown envelope will confirm.
Ivan Walsh – Last years Southern region champion will be hoping that sailing in his back garden will give him the edge. Quick on the day and used to the lumps, the top half of the fleet will need to keep a close eye out.
John 'Titch' Wayling – Titch's nickname is ironic as he's actually 6ft 8in. Last year's Half Tonne Cup winner will have a lot more on his hands this year due to lack of Phantom practice. Earlier in the year while drunkenly playing with eBay, he bought an OK, to avoid getting a slap from the Doris he had to play along that he had bought it for the fleet racing and how competitive he can be. Luckily he has since sobered up, put the not so OK up for sale and got back in the right boat. Will he be able to hold on to his ½ ton title?
Chris Roberts – Recently retired Chris is the dark horse at this years Nationals, spending his retirement getting in sneaky practice sessions and winning his first Phantom open meeting earlier in the year, beating Will 'Nico' Gulliver into 4th place (surprisingly), he will be looking for light airs but might shift gears if the wind gets above 6knts and he changes to his flat cut Lonton & Gray sail.
Phil "the boss" Longley - Big Phil may be diminished in some respects but his gastic band induced weight loss and family bribe of a new boat have produced astounding results. A win at the Creek-sea Open this year was followed by a second place at his home club of Stone. Our much loved Chairman could just be in the chocolates (shame he can't eat them though).
Pete Shuttleworth – This year's title sponsor will be hoping to improve on his moment of glory of being round the windward mark first in last years nationals. Its odds on however if he doesn't he will spend the day dodging tax and doing doughnuts in the car park in his newly purchased Aston Martin pretending he is James Bond. But to be fair if any of us had a Vantage we'd all do the same
Olly Hopkins – The man renowned for punching above his weight outside the boat - will this year be the time to convert that success in to some decent results? Only time and NOrman's smooth talking him into going clubbing till the early hours will tell.
Nick 'NOrman' Orman – Captain Slow has been rattling a few good ones out this year. He has the talk, will he finally walk the walk or will the OAP's be too much of a draw and make his mind wander into those cheesy clubs he so enjoys?
Chris 'Mr Ovington' Turner – How a man that small can manage to throw a Phantom about in all weathers is still a mystery to most. Being the current boat builder we think his 'special I won't sell it boat' might be fitted with a cloaking device and its actually crewed by the whole Ovington team. It would explain why he arrives in such a massive van!
Matthew House - The current class secretary has had little practice in his boat this year after spending most of the summer on his yacht sailing round Scotland and down the East coast. It's still to be seen if his not so secret weapon he bought North of the boarder will be effective. Fire extinguishers might be needed if his flaming bagpipes make an appearance.
Paul Church - It took some persuasion but the Alton Water based former champion is back in a JJ built boat. Rumours of weight loss and fitness regimes suggest that light winds may be preferred. Full of confidence and could bring down a few of the "top table" boys.
Bob Portway - Another of Alton Waters elite sailors, Bob is the Peter Pan of the Alton boys and is a good side bet for another top 10 place.
Ian Stone - This young man made an impression at Fishers Green this year and looks like a real contender for future greatness. Will the pressure of playing with the big boys get to him?
Chris Biglin / Jim Hopton - Never seen apart some say that Shustoke's twins are actually swapping boats in order to confuse everyone. Look out for wooden decks or a tasteful "Farrow and Ball" boat getting mark room when you were least expecting it.
The Creeksea Phantom fleet – With 14 boats in the fleet a select elite group will be finally crawling out of the muddy ditch they call home. Like a bunch of 17 year olds that have just got a driving licence and found what their tackle does, they have been enjoying the new found freedom and spreading it around the East coast, with the same sort of mixed results their teenage counterparts get, sometime very ropey but fun while it lasted! Although most of the events they have tried are in bigger ditches or on puddles how they get on in the big wide ocean of the South coast will be interesting. They just need to give their mum three rings on arrival so she knows they got there safely. But as word of warning to the rest of the fleet at the windward mark, like the teenagers, they try to mount anything that's close!