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Dear Dave

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bigwavedave View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Quote bigwavedave Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: Dear Dave
    Posted: 29 May 05 at 6:42pm

I have got a lot from this forum so I think it is time that I put something back.

Got a problem?, something on your mind?, relationship problems?, any other personal matters?, don't know where to turn for advice?.

Post them on here and Uncle Dave will give you the answer.

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carshalton fc View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Quote carshalton fc Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 May 05 at 6:44pm
lol yer that put a smile on my face!!   you should have a collum in a newspapper or something!!
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Post Options Post Options   Quote stuarthop Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 May 05 at 7:23pm

Dear Dave,

I have 5 holes in my leg giving me considerable pain as i fell off my unicycle earlier what should i do, as i have to coach at young racers camp all nxt week, please give your words of wisdom and advice, many thanks, a scorpion helm in pain

 


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bigwavedave View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Quote bigwavedave Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 May 05 at 7:36pm

Mmmm not an easy one to start off with, but fortunately i am blessed with immense medical knowledge.

Fill the holes with ding stick.  this is available from all good surf and windsurf shops. It is best to anetit   aheteniti    anethiter   NUMB the area to be treated prior to inserting the ding stick.  Rub alchohol into the infected area. This must be done internally so drink loads until it seeps from the wounds, you re then ready to insert the ding stick.

If you are lucky there will be some girlies at the young racers camp who will be impressed with your  injuries and you might pull one. 

give up the unicycle and get a tricycle instead.

 

 

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Post Options Post Options   Quote sailor girl Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 May 05 at 7:52pm
should i do the same for the blisters on my feet from wearing flip flops?? do i need to drink more alcohol cos they are on my feet and will take longer for the alcohol to reach?!! hehe!
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bigwavedave View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Quote bigwavedave Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 May 05 at 8:01pm

No No No.  By the time sufficient alcohol reaches your feet you will have fallen over and have blisters on your hands and knees from trying to crawl home.

A thick layer of margarine over your feet before you next step into your flip flops should provide all the protection you need.

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Post Options Post Options   Quote sailor girl Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 May 05 at 8:15pm
damit!
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Post Options Post Options   Quote Black no sugar Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 May 05 at 11:10pm

Dear Dave,

I have been at the Laser Open in Lancing all day, trying to help in the committee boat. There wasn't much wind and the boat was gently rocking. It's now 11pm and I still have this swaying feeling, although I'm now on terra firma. Do you think it'll disappear soon? Has it got anything to do with the excellent Arundel Gold served at the bar? 
(PS. I've just had a Chinese takeaway as well, I thought I'd mention it, as you're an expert... can it make the condition worse?)  

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bigwavedave View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Quote bigwavedave Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 May 05 at 8:48am

Dear BNS

I can sympathise with your condition.  The reason you are still awake at such a late hour is the amount of chocolate covered coffee beans you consumed. The swaying feeling is the confusion in your brain caused by the rapid writing down of long numbers.  NOTHING to do with the beer your were seen to be guzzling.

A chinese takeaway is a suitable distraction from the effects of spending the day on a small boat with good looking, humerous, intelligent, agony uncle and an engineer.  Next time try the all you can eat option.

All symptoms should be gone by the morning.  If they have not then go back to bed and leave your husband to look after the kids.

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Post Options Post Options   Quote Blobby Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 May 05 at 10:49am

Dear Dave,

I live in a flat in Singapore and I wish to build a Cherub in my living room.  My wife (7 1/2 months pregnant) does not think this is the best idea I have ever had and is threatening drastic surgery (on me with a rusty penknife) should I proceed with this plan.

How should I best approach the problem?

Will the Chinese take away and a bunch of flowers from a garage forecourt approach be considered suitable compensation?

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