Laurent Giles 'Jolly Boat' Exeter |
J24 (Sail No. 4239) Dartmouth |
Laser XD 203301 Upminster |
List classes of boat for sale |
best funny emails |
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Heccie Thump
Newbie Joined: 28 Sep 11 Location: Upminster Essex Online Status: Offline Posts: 10 |
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Topic: best funny emails Posted: 26 Oct 11 at 6:34pm |
I agree. I read the thread this morning before going to work and my ribs were aching with trying not to wake up the family. I thought it so funny I had tears running down my cheeks. I turned around to stop looking at it to try and stop laughing, and when I turned back to the computer I started again. It reminded me of why I used to read Viz :) |
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winging it
Really should get out more Joined: 22 Mar 07 Online Status: Offline Posts: 3958 |
Post Options Quote Reply Posted: 28 Oct 11 at 7:50pm |
London (Stratford) will be hosting the Olympic Games in 2012.
100 METRES SPRINT
BOXING
MODERN PENTATHLON
SWIMMING EVENTS
THE MARATHON
THE CLOSING CEREMONY
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the same, but different...
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bert
Really should get out more Joined: 23 Apr 05 Location: norwich usually Online Status: Offline Posts: 584 |
Post Options Quote Reply Posted: 20 Nov 11 at 3:38am |
Wally 85 marries Lou Anne 25
At 85 years of age, Wally married Lou Anne, a lovely 25 year old. Since her new husband is so old, Lou Anne decides that after their wedding she and Wally should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may overexert himself if they spend the entire night together. After the wedd...ing festivities Lou Anne prepares herself for bed and the expected "knock" on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Wally, her 85 year old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, Wally takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep. After a few minutes, Lou Anne hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's Wally. Again he is ready for more "action". Somewhat surprised, Lou Anne consents for more coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Wally kisses his bride, bids her a fond goodnight and leaves. She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha you guessed it - Wally is back again, rapping on the door, and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more "action". And, once again they enjoy each other. But as Wally gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, "I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Wally." Wally, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Lou Anne and says: ........."You mean I was here already?"
Stolen from another forum |
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Phantom 1181
AC-227 IC 304 blaze / halo 586 |
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The Moo
Really should get out more Joined: 01 Jun 06 Online Status: Offline Posts: 807 |
Post Options Quote Reply Posted: 30 Dec 11 at 5:57pm |
Two Aussies, Frank and Steve, were adrift in a lifeboat. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, Frank stumbled across an old lamp. He rubbed the lamp vigorously and a genie came forth.
This genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the matter, Frank blurted out, "Turn the entire ocean into beer. Make that XXXX Lager!" The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the sea turned into the hard-earned thirst quencher. The genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances. Steve looked disgustedly at Frank whose wish had been granted. After a long, tension-filled moment Steve said, "Nice going Frank! Now we're going to have to piss in the boat." |
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A Seabadger
Far too distracted from work Joined: 11 Oct 05 Location: United Kingdom Online Status: Offline Posts: 222 |
Post Options Quote Reply Posted: 21 Feb 12 at 5:21pm |
The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.'
Yes, she says, 'I remember it well.' OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?' Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!' A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them. The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground. The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.. After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is. So, as the couple passes, he says to them,' Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?' Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, 'Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence. |
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I don't suffer from insanity...I enjoy every moment of it.
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ChrisJ
Far too distracted from work Joined: 07 May 04 Location: United Kingdom Online Status: Offline Posts: 337 |
Post Options Quote Reply Posted: 29 Apr 12 at 4:32pm |
The Archbishop of Canterbury and The Royal Commission for Political Correctness announced today that the climate in the UK should no longer be referred to as 'English Weather'. Rather than offend a sizeable portion of the UK population, it will now be referred to as:
'Muslim Weather' ( Partly Sunni, but mostly Shi'ite ) |
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bert
Really should get out more Joined: 23 Apr 05 Location: norwich usually Online Status: Offline Posts: 584 |
Post Options Quote Reply Posted: 29 Apr 12 at 11:06pm |
OH yeah that' s being stolen.
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Phantom 1181
AC-227 IC 304 blaze / halo 586 |
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bert
Really should get out more Joined: 23 Apr 05 Location: norwich usually Online Status: Offline Posts: 584 |
Post Options Quote Reply Posted: 05 May 12 at 12:14am |
Husband & wife store! A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads: Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids. 'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.' So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking. 'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads: Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework. 'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!' Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads: Floor 5 -These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. PLEASE NOTE: To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street. The first floor has wives that love sex. The second floor has wives that love sex, have money and like beer and football. The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited. |
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Phantom 1181
AC-227 IC 304 blaze / halo 586 |
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JohnW
Really should get out more Joined: 17 Jul 07 Location: United Kingdom Online Status: Offline Posts: 552 |
Post Options Quote Reply Posted: 14 Feb 13 at 11:36am |
(With all the heavy stuff going on in the sail numbers thread, I though it was time to bump this thread)
My wife just called me. She said, "Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentines Day, they are absolutely gorgeous." I said, "That's probably why they've received flowers then." |
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transient
Really should get out more Joined: 21 Aug 12 Online Status: Offline Posts: 715 |
Post Options Quote Reply Posted: 23 Aug 13 at 5:19pm |
...with reference to Finbar Saunders
A woman walked into a bar and asked the barman for a double entendre. So the barman gave her one. A man walked into the Doctors, "Doctor, Doctor I've got a strawberry stuck up my arse"..... ...the Doctor replied "I've got some cream for that" |
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